


Filled with (Bad) Luck

by Fly_Kitty7000



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Confusion, Crushes, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Doubt, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Dubious Consent, Emotions, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hangover, Hermaphrodites, Intersex, Lapses in Memory, Loss of Virginity, Love, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Making Love, Making Out, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Memory Loss, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mpreg, OOC, Oral Sex, Out of Character, Pain, Possible Rape, Pre-Slash, Pregnant Sex, Pregnant Spencer, Pregnant with Multiples, Resolved Sexual Tension, Secrets, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Sex, Sexual Content, Slash, True Love, Unplanned Pregnancy, blackout drunk, natural birth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-03
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-04-18 19:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4717721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fly_Kitty7000/pseuds/Fly_Kitty7000
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After sleeping with a drunk Derek (who then doesn't remember the encounter the next morning), Spencer thought that things couldn't possibly get any worse.  However, he is quickly reminded that things can ALWAYS get worse.</p><p>A/N: I do not in ANY way, shape, or form mean to downgrade or mock the issue of rape. If this is a sensitive subject for you, please don't read this! It is DUBIOUS CONSENT as one of the tags makes aware. I don't consider this rape personally (and, according to DC and Missouri criminal law [they live in DC and it happened in Missouri], it's not, if only for the simple reason that both involved parties had around the SAME amount to drink and were EQUALLY drunk, even if only one actually remembered some things from the night before and the other didn't) because the characters don't consider it rape but I guess it could read as such and it could even still be legally considered rape, which is why I added the "Rape/Non-Con" warning.  Please see chapter 4 for specific criminal codes and reasons why I think that it's NOT rape.  Thank you.</p><p>If this offends you, just move on. Don't comment. I don't have the time or patience to argue over fiction on a plot idea that is by no means original.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Man Like That Could Never Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Yes, I am posting yet another WIP (sorry to those who want faster updates for stories already posted). I find I write MUCH better if I'm working on many stories at once, though so hopefully my future updates won't suck! Lol, as with my other mpreg stories, I write Spencer as shorter than Derek and with a higher voice than he has in the shows (but if you don't like that, read how however you wish because it won't affect the story THAT much). Also, I use fake categories of intersexed people, which I will post at the end of Chapter 1, as always. I hope you like this and I always love to see kudos and comments! Thanks!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or any of the characters therein. I just take them and do what I want with them (which is why they may read a little OOC even though I always try to keep each character's center, or what makes them the way they are, unless otherwise noted). If you don't like the story, please don't read it. All hateful comments or flames will be immediately deleted or marked as spam. I do, however, accept and welcome constructive criticism, opinions, and other comments as long as they are made in good taste. Thank you for reading and being respectful to me, as a human being, and my work in general. Please enjoy!

Spencer woke up to the sound of his alarm clock and quickly reached over to press the snooze button. He felt less than refreshed from his usual 6 hours of sleep but didn't stop to wonder why. He fell directly back to sleep but 10 minutes later was woken again. Three more presses of the snooze button later and Spencer finally turned the alarm off and sat up in bed. He rubbed his eyes and stretched but still felt very fatigued.

  
  
He got out of bed and went to the bathroom to do his morning business and take a quick shower. He then got dressed and went to the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee out of the automatic coffee maker that Derek had gotten him for his last birthday.

  
  
Thinking about Derek, however, made him heave a great sigh. It had been a week since Derek had gotten drunk and professed his love for Spencer. A week since Spencer had thrown away his inhibitions and said yes to Derek against his better judgment. A week since they had made passionate love and Spencer could no longer call himself a virgin. And a week since Derek had woken up with a killer hangover and claimed to not remember anything from the previous night. Spencer's heart had been broken but at the same time, he really only blamed himself. After all, Spencer had known that Derek was extremely drunk, but he had still made the decision to just go along for the ride.

  
  
As he looked down into his coffee, he berated himself for even entertaining the idea that any of it was ever real. Derek could never love him. Derek was perfect and Spencer was just a broken mess. It was better that Derek didn't remember that night, Spencer told himself. That way he could just avoid the awkward rejections and apologies from Derek and still remain friends. He had made sure to act as normal as possible around Derek at work this past week and had avoided seeing him socially. No one, not even Derek, could know or even suspect that anything had happened between them. After all, Derek was his friend first and foremost and Spencer would do whatever he needed to do to make sure that they remained friends.

  
However, a little voice inside him kept whispering about what might have been if Derek would have remembered. Maybe what he had said in his drunken stupor had been true. Could Derek Morgan really love him?

  
  
Spencer shot that line of thought down immediately. No, a man as handsome, kind and gentle but also stern and muscular and protective like Derek could never love a weak, annoying, socially inept boy like Spencer.

  
  
He felt a tear leak out of his eye and run down his face. He wiped it away quickly and then stared at his wet hand in disbelief. When had he become a crier? He never cried! He wiped his hand on his pants in disgust and downed the rest of the coffee in his cup. He then fixed a thermos of coffee to drink on the subway before he got his morning coffee from the Starbucks two blocks away from the FBI building. Spencer grabbed his messenger bag and his sweater and headed out the door.  
 

* * *

 

  
Even with the four snooze button presses and his episode of depression, Spencer still managed to make it to work ten minutes before everyone but Hotch. He went to his desk, put his bag on the floor, took off his sweater, and sat down. He had finished his Starbucks coffee as well as two folders of paperwork by the time Derek and Emily walked in.

 

"Morning, pretty boy!" Derek called as he made his way over to Spencer's desk with two cups of Starbucks coffee. He sat one down in front of Spencer and then sat himself down on the edge of Spencer's desk, sipping at the coffee in the other cup.

  
  
"Good morning," Spencer said and flashed a brief smile at Derek before directing his attention to the coffee cup. "Thank you for the coffee."

  
  
"No problem! You look like you need it anyway," Derek chuckled. "Did you get any sleep at all last night? You look terrible."

  
  
Spencer inwardly winced and scolded himself for not paying more attention to his appearance. The last thing he needed was for people to start poking into his life because they thought he was sick or something. He sighed and said, "I'm just a little tired. I slept but I guess I just didn't get enough last night." He shot another quick smile at Derek and then proceeded to drink the coffee he'd been given.

  
  
Derek nodded but didn't say anything. He just kept sitting on Spencer's desk, sipping his coffee and staring at Spencer.

  
  
Spencer, trying to ignore him, opened another folder and began to work, but when Derek still didn't leave, Spencer shut the folder and looked up at him, an exasperated look on his face. "Was there something you needed?"

  
  
Derek smiled and said, "I'm just wondering when you're going to tell me what's wrong."

  
  
Spencer froze and his mouth dropped open. He quickly found his composure however and said, in a slightly higher voice than normal, "I don't know what you mean. There's nothing wrong." He looked back down at the folder on his desk and pretended to start working again.

  
  
"You can't lie to me, pretty boy," Derek said gently. "I know you too well."

  
  
Spencer swallowed thickly, feeling nauseous all of a sudden. He refused to look up at Derek, afraid that the man would see the unspeakable truth in Spencer's eyes.

  
  
Derek reached over and put a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "You've been trying too hard to act normal this past week. You've been avoiding me whenever you can, and when you think no one is watching, you go between looking incredibly depressed to terrified out of your mind… You don't have to tell me what's wrong right now, but I want to remind you that I'm here for you whenever you want to get it off your chest."

  
  
Spencer closed his eyes, trying his best to not let his impending tears from Derek's heartfelt speech fall down his face. He remained silent, not even trusting himself to assure Derek that he was ok. He felt Derek pat his shoulder, then Spencer heard him get up and walk over to his own desk.

  
  
As soon as he was gone, Spencer opened his eyes, rose from his chair and walked as normally as he could toward the bathroom, consciously willing himself not to sprint. He could feel Derek's eyes on him, but he didn't turn to meet them, directing all his attention toward making it to the bathroom without attracting too much attention.

  
  
The instant he entered the bathroom, though, he locked the door and let the tears come. He let out a small sob and was about to sink to the floor when his stomach turned violently. He raced to the toilet, knelt down, and threw up his stomach contents, which happened to consist solely of 3 1/2 cups of coffee.

  
  
When he was done heaving, he flushed the toilet and crawled over to the wall. He sat with his back against the cool, concrete wall with his legs tucked up to his chest. He was rubbing his stomach, trying to calm the flip-flops that were still going on inside when he got a pain in his lower abdomen so sharp it took his breath away. A moan escaped his lips as his hand moved down to massage where the pain was centralized. He leaned forward and let his head rest on his knees. He broke out into a sweat and started to pant lightly. What the Hell was going on?

  
  
Ten long, agonizing minutes of pain, massaging, and trying not to throw up passed before Spencer started to feel better. He slowly got to his feet and made his way to the sink. He cupped his hands and ran cold water into them. He drank three of his cupped hands worth of water and then splashed some on his face. He looked in the mirror, smoothing his hair some and rubbing his eyes, trying to make himself more presentable. He then took a deep breath, turned toward the door, unlocked and opened it, and stepped back into the BAU bullpen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Categories of Intersexed People:
> 
> Category A - Males or Females with correct reproductive organs but also containing partially formed organs from the opposite gender (ex. A female child containing 100% of her correct reproductive organs but who also contains an under-formed, un-dropped testicle attached to her ovary or a male child containing 100% of his correct reproductive organs but who also contains a floating ovary)
> 
> Category B - Males or Females with correct reproductive organs but also containing fully formed organs from the opposite gender (ex. A male child containing 100% of his correct reproductive organs but who also contains a floating uterus and ovaries that are not attached to any other organ in the body or a female child containing 100% of her correct reproductive organs but who also contains fully formed, un-dropped testicles)
> 
> Category C - Males or Females with partially formed reproductive organs from both genders (ex. A child who has incomplete sets of both sexual organs, such as a child containing a uterus and vagina with vaginal opening, but instead of having ovaries, has a fully formed scrotum)
> 
> Category Q - This category only includes males and are males with full sets of both male and female reproductive organs but only the male organs are visible externally and the vaginal opening is located in the rectum
> 
> Category X - A person who is fully both male and female, having visible male reproductive organs as well as an external vaginal opening located behind the penis where the perineum should be on a "normal" male


	2. Party from Hell

The next three weeks were absolute Hell for Spencer Reid. Not only emotionally, but physically as well. Emotionally, he felt frazzled, stressed, and ready to bolt at any minute. Every time he had to work with or be around Derek, he felt like he was just going to lose it. He honestly didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to keep his secret without going crazy.

 

It felt like Derek and everyone else were always staring at him and, knowing how protective they all were of him, they probably _were_ watching him. He knew that he wasn’t doing as well as he’d like in acting like nothing was wrong, but he also wasn’t ready to talk to anyone about his problems, not even JJ.

 

The physical issues he was having were proving to be even harder to conceal from everyone, though. He had no idea what was happening to him, but whatever the Hell it was, he wished it would stop already. He was always tired, no matter how much sleep he got, and when he did sleep, he ended up waking up, disgustingly, with his head in a pool of drool. He was almost constantly nauseous, especially in the mornings and right before bed. Smells and foods that he normally either liked or didn’t mind had also started make him feel sick as well.

 

Despite the nauseous feeling that seemed to follow him around, he was also almost constantly hungry and craving things that he normally hated! He was having digestive problems as well, such as indigestion, heartburn, constipation, and diarrhea. He also found himself running to the bathroom to urinate almost three times more than he normally did.

 

Overall, his whole situation was just becoming ridiculous. He felt like he was starting to embarrass not only himself, but the entire team as well. He found himself crying over crime scene photos, losing his temper at the LEOs as well as the team, and being so scatterbrained most of the time that he couldn’t concentrate on their cases! An immense guilt was weighing him down over possibly holding the team up from catching their unsubs, but he didn’t know what to do about it! He couldn’t just go talk to Hotch and tell him he was having a nervous breakdown or something and expect him to be ok with it!

 

Spencer sighed and buried his head in his hands. Luckily, they hadn’t had any cases in a couple days so Spencer was just left doing paperwork. Even with his concentration being less than ideal, his nerves being pretty much shot, and his need to visit the bathroom every twenty minutes or so, he still ended up completing his work faster than Derek and Emily. That was something he took advantage of, however. Whenever he could, he left as early as possible to avoid being in Derek’s company any longer than he had to. Spencer knew that Derek was becoming suspicious of his behavior. Spencer had _never_ avoided being near Derek, especially with such adamant! But Spencer felt like he didn’t really have any other choice in the matter.

 

Right as Spencer was putting down his last file of the day, Garcia walked into the bullpen. She was wearing a neon pink dress, a navy blue jacket, and a wide smile on her face. “It’s quittin’ time, everyone!” she called to the room.

 

Derek turned in his chair and smiled at Garcia, taking in her outfit and overall mood with one swipe of his eyes. “Baby girl, it’s only 3pm,” he said with an amused smirk. “But if you can convince Hotch it’s time to clear out, I’m with you all the way.”

 

“Don’t worry, hot stuff,” she purred at him, walking over to place a finger on his nose. “I already got this covered.”

 

At that moment, Hotch stepped out of his office, his suit jacket over his arm and his briefcase in his hand. He looked less than pleased, but cleared his throat to make an announcement all the same. “Alright, everyone, Garcia has some teambuilding exercises planned so everyone crowd around and let’s get started.”

 

Derek shook his head in amusement but packed up his stuff without complaint. Emily and JJ both had smiles on their faces as they too cleaned up and stepped over to Garcia. Rossi stepped out of his office with a frown on his face but immediately muttered something that sounded like, “Anything to get out of work,” and walked over to join the group.

 

Spencer, however, was still sitting at his desk… stunned and slightly panicky. There was no way he could socialize anywhere _near_ Derek! No way! He’d have to find a way to get out of it. He wasn’t feeling good… maybe he could play sick? He didn’t think it would work, but it couldn’t hurt to try. He was so lost in his thoughts and fighting not to hyperventilate that he didn’t notice the rest of the team turn to stare at him.

 

“Oh, come on, Reid!” Garcia said slightly indignantly, her hands on her hips and a small pout on her lips. “You can quit looking like I’m going to lead you off to be executed! This is going to be fun!”

 

Spencer let out a shaky breath, closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I um… I don’t feel very well, guys… I think I just really need to get some sleep.”

 

“No… nuh-uh, Reid,” Emily said, a smile still on her face as she walked over to Spencer’s chair. “You haven’t been doing anything _but_ sleeping lately! You’re going to come hang out with us and have a good time.” She then waved JJ over and they each grabbed one of his elbows and hauled him to his feet.

 

“Please guys,” Spencer begged, weakly struggling against the women’s surprisingly strong holds. “I really don’t feel good.”

 

“Reid, if _I_ have to go, so do you,” Hotch said sternly, but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes, effectively putting an end to the conversation.

 

“I’ll get your bag, pretty boy,” Derek said and patted Spencer’s shoulder on his way to Spencer’s desk.

 

Spencer shuttered from the touch but didn’t say anything. He just sighed heavily and allowed himself to be lead away.

 

* * *

 

 

Spencer thought that this _had_ to be what Hell felt like. Apparently Garcia’s “teambuilding exercises” consisted of pizza, beer, and Twister on Garcia’s living room floor. Spencer didn’t mind the pizza. In fact, he’d eaten 4 slices before he’d realized that the rest of the team were staring at him with wide eyes and surprised looks on their faces. After that, he’d been too embarrassed to eat any more, even though he could have. He didn’t even really mind the beer even though he wasn’t much of a beer drinker, opting out for soda instead.

 

What he _did_ mind was making a fool of himself in front of his entire team! He was extremely uncoordinated and so playing Twister was like something directly out of a nightmare… He was falling over himself and being put in awkward positions… and all the while, everyone else was laughing and joking, but Spencer couldn’t help but feel like all of it was directed at him! Also, while normally very flexible, tonight Spencer’s muscles were sore and screaming at him and the skin over his stomach felt tight and hot, almost like it would tear if he stretched too much. Bending over so much wasn’t doing him much good either. The pizza he’d eaten was threatening to come back up with every move he made that put pressure on his stomach and he couldn’t decide if it would be worse to puke on Derek Morgan, who happened to be in a weird position right next to him, or fall on him…

 

Spencer was saved from deciding when he lost his balance. Derek saw him fall and tried to catch him but ended up falling himself. In the end, all 4 players (Derek, Spencer, Emily, and JJ) ended up in a heap on the Twister board. Everyone was laughing except for Spencer, who had somehow ended up face-down very close to Derek’s crotch. His eyes were wide and he was trying not to freak out from the position, but he could feel his face burning with shame and embarrassment and his heart felt like a caged animal trying to escape.

 

“Pretty boy, you ok?” Derek called and reached down to ruffle Spencer’s hair.

 

Spencer, however, quickly moved away and jumped to his feet, refusing to look at anyone. “I-I um… I’ll um… I’ll be r-right back,” he stuttered out and then practically ran toward the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

 

He couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down his face, but he put his hand over his mouth to try to keep the sound of his sobs from leaving the room. He couldn’t believe that had just happened! Why had he let them pressure him into playing that stupid game in the first place?! He was just so embarrassed and the more he thought about it, the more upset he got. His stomach started to churn and he knew he was going to be sick. He quickly stepped up to the toilet, lifted the lid, and knelt down in front of it just in time to be violently ill.

 

“Reid?” he heard Garcia call through the door, gently knocking at the same time. “Is everything ok, sweetheart?”

 

Spencer opened his mouth to call out that he was alright, but another wave of nausea hit him and he was again puking his guts up into Penelope’s toilet. He groaned loudly and laid his face down on the cool porcelain of the basin, wishing that all of this was just some horrible dream that he could wake up from.

 

“Reid? Reid! Are you ok? Are you sick?” Garcia yelled, turning the handle of the door but finding it locked.

 

Spencer growled at the noise coming from the door, suddenly finding himself very frustrated. He reached up and flushed the toilet angrily, then got to his feet and stalked toward the door, unlocking it and opening it in one swift motion. “Yes, I’m sick! I already told you all that I didn’t feel good but you made me come here to this party from Hell and then forced me to humiliate myself! How do you expect me to feel?!” he shouted to the room at large before taking a few deep, calming breaths.

 

Everyone was silent and just staring at Spencer in shock, which made him feel even more embarrassed than he already was. His face burned once more with shame and a little sob escaped his lips before he could catch it. He hung his head as tears once more flowed from his eyes and down his face. “I just want to go home,” he mumbled sadly as he wrapped his arms around himself tightly.

 

Derek stepped forward, his eyebrows scrunched together in concern. “I can take you home, kid,” he said gently, reaching out to put his hand on Spencer’s shoulder.

 

Spencer’s head shot up and he shook his head at Derek’s words. He backed up against the wall to escape the touch of Derek’s hand and he exclaimed, “No! I’d rather walk!”

 

“Honey, you live 10 miles from here!” Garcia said gently, walking toward him with her hands up like he was going to attack at any moment.

 

“Then I’ll call a cab!” Spencer cried out and began sobbing outright. He reached his hand up to his mouth and bit the side of his thumb to try to control the anguish that was attempting to overwhelm him.

 

“Spence?” JJ called gently, walking up to him cautiously but also with conviction. “I’ll take you home, ok? Everything’s going to be alright.”

 

Spencer took a few shaky breaths but then nodded. He refused to look at anyone as he went back into the living room and grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He then walked toward the front door, opened it and left without a word.

 

* * *

 

 

The ride back to Spencer’s apartment was silent. He stared out of the passenger window while JJ drove, but neither of them said anything. When JJ finally pulled into the parking lot of Spencer’s complex, however, she looked over toward him with concern and asked, “What’s wrong, Spence?”

 

Spencer sighed and closed his eyes as he rested his forehead on the cool glass of the window. “Nothing,” he answered dully and reached for the handle to open the door.

 

JJ reacted and quickly pressed the child-lock button, which prevented passengers from unlocking the doors themselves and getting out. “Spence, you just blew up at everyone over at Pen’s place and then you burst out crying. That is _not_ ‘nothing.’ There is something going on with you and I just want to help.”

 

Spencer turned his head to look at JJ, whose face held such love and concern that it made Spencer want to start crying all over again. He bit his bottom lip and contemplated telling her everything… but he just couldn’t. Not yet. He was still trying to come to terms with everything _himself_ … there was no way he could explain what had happened to her! He sighed again and looked away, unable to look directly at JJ as he told a lie. “I just don’t feel good, JJ… but I’m sure it’ll go away if I just get some rest. Ok?”

 

JJ rolled her eyes, seeing through the fib instantly but also knowing that it would probably be pointless to push the issue. “Alright, Spence,” she conceded in a gentle voice as she laid a hand on his knee. “But if you ever need to talk, you know that I’m here for you.”

 

Spencer smiled slightly and laid his hand on top of JJ’s. “I know, Jen,” he answered softly, calling JJ by a name he only ever used when one of them needed comfort. “Thanks.”

 

JJ squeezed Spencer’s knee and then leaned over to kiss his cheek. She smiled when he blushed and then she turned off the child-locks. She raised her hand to pat his shoulder and said, “Alright, go get some rest. But I want you to call me to let me know how you are or if anything happens, ok?”

 

Spencer nodded and then opened the car door. “I promise,” he said before he got out and closed the door behind him.

 

JJ watched Spencer walk away and into his building. She shook her head slightly and sighed. “What am I going to do with him?” she asked herself as she put her car into gear and drove away.


	3. Things Can't Get Any Worse... Can They?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Sorry for the long wait and sorry if this chapter doesn't meet some expectations. I wrote this story out of order but I've tried to edit the chapters so they flow together correctly (please let me know if I've missed any glaring errors or have contradicted myself or something). The next chapter is where things start getting really good, so if you don't like this one, just stick with me until the next one, ok? Lol thanks for your patience and, as always, I love the comments!

No one mentioned Spencer’s breakdown at Garcia’s house, to which Spencer was eternally grateful. The whole team looked at him with concern and seemed to keep a closer eye on him than normal, but Spencer guessed that that was the hazard of trying to keep secrets from people who loved you… and probably also a hazard of acting _crazy_ around people who loved you. Because _crazy_ was definitely how Spencer felt most days now. He really hated that word and the associations that came with it, but he really couldn’t think of a better way to describe the way he was feeling.

 

He was always sick and ended up throwing up no less than 3 times a day. He was always hungry, and for a person who hardly ever ate, that was a _huge_ deal. He was always exhausted, which he felt was really affecting his work performance. He was always depressed and nearly everything seemed to bring tears to his eyes (and that was just _incredibly_ frustrating and embarrassing). And he was always in pain, whether it was in his lower abdomen, his back, or in random muscles throughout his body. To say the least, it was annoying and Spencer was sick of it.

 

‘ _This can’t last forever, right?’_ he asked himself about a week after the disaster at Garcia’s house. He was sitting at his desk, taking a short break as he tried to compose himself and get rid of the bad emotions that had suddenly accosted him while he was doing his paperwork. While he rubbed his temples and took a few deep breaths, he tried to figure out what was going on with him. ‘ _I can understand why I’m sad… but that sadness shouldn’t be crippling! I’ve_ never _felt this way before! Logically, there is a period of grief after losing something important… but I haven’t really_ lost _Derek… I never really_ had _him to begin with… I mean, he’s still my friend and I hope he always will be… but I’ll never have him the way I want and that’s just a fact. I shouldn’t be grieving over that!’_

 

Spencer blew out a breath and just shook his head. He was being ridiculous… maybe he should see a counselor? Maybe _that_ would help him feel better and take away everything that was making him feel like a steaming pile of crap? He doubted it…

 

There was suddenly a hand on his shoulder, making him jump and yell then whirl around to see what had touched him. He came face to face with Garcia, who looked just as startled as he felt. One of her hands was over her heart, her eyes were wide, and she was breathing heavily.

 

“God, Reid, are you trying to bring me to an early end or what?” she asked breathlessly as she tried to calm herself down.

 

Spencer took a deep breath and averted his eyes, embarrassed that he had been spooked so easily. “Sorry,” he muttered and turned back toward his desk.

 

“Hey, don’t be like that, 187,” Garcia said kindly, stepping forward to stand right next to him. “You just startled me, but I think I startled you first, so it’s really my own fault.”

 

Spencer turned his head and saw a smile on her face. He forced a small smile in return but couldn’t muster up any true happy emotion. “Did you want me for something?” he quietly asked, wanting to be left alone, but not wanting to be rude.

 

“Oh yeah!” Garcia exclaimed as if she suddenly remembered why she had bothered him. “You’ve been looking so sad lately and, after what happened at my house, I just felt like you could use a pick-me-up… so I made you chocolate-chip cookies!”

 

Spencer’s eyes went wide as Garcia thrust a medium-sized Tupperware container into his chest. “Th-Thank you,” he stuttered out, not sure how to react to the sudden gift.

 

“It’s my pleasure, sweetie pie!” Garcia said happily and leaned down to grip him in a tight embrace.

 

That was when he got a whiff of her perfume. Normally, Spencer liked the various smells that the women on the team wore, alternating between floral scents to spices and other pleasant things… but when Garcia hugged him, he suddenly found himself feeling extremely sick. Whatever she was wearing smelled _terrible_!

 

Spencer shoved back from Garcia, startling her once more, but he didn’t have time to apologize. His stomach suddenly lurched and he found himself putting a hand over his mouth and quickly getting up from his chair and rushing as fast as he could toward the bathroom.

 

As soon as he was close enough to a toilet, he dropped to his knees and threw up his stomach contents. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time he’d vomited today, but this was the first time that a _smell_ , especially one that he’d smelled so much before, had made him literally have to run to the bathroom! What the Hell?!

 

Spencer sighed and rested his forehead on the cool porcelain of the semi-public toilet, ignoring the thought that a billion and one germs could right now be rubbing off onto his skin. What was he going to do? He couldn’t live like this! It was so overwhelming that he was sure that he would just shut down mentally and emotionally if things didn’t let up soon.

 

“Reid?” Spencer heard Garcia’s hesitant voice call through the door of the bathroom. “Are you ok?”

 

Spencer reached up and flushed the toilet before finally getting to his feet and walking out of the stall. He looked up to see Garcia peeking in through a crack in the door, obviously not wanting to intrude in on the boy’s bathroom but still very worried about her friend. “I’m fine, Garcia,” Spencer answered wearily as he walked over toward the sinks, intending to wash his hands and maybe splash some water on his face.

 

“Ok well if you need to, you know, talk or anything, just come to my office or call or whatever,” she said in a small voice, trying to offer help without being intrusive.

 

Spencer appreciated her kindness and turned to give her as real a smile as he could manage. “Thanks… and thanks for the cookies.”

 

“No problem!” Garcia said in a much happier voice, glad to see a smile on Spencer’s face. “Just take care of yourself, boy wonder, or I’ll have to kick your butt!”

 

Spencer let out a laugh which made him feel just a little lighter than before… until he heard another voice that wiped the smile off his face and made him feel sick once again.

 

“What are you doing peeping into the boy’s bathroom, you naughty girl,” Derek said lightly, amusement coating his words.

 

Even without turning around to look, Spencer knew that a wide grin would be stretching Derek’s mouth and that his eyes would be sparkling with good humor. God that man was so attractive! Spencer was suddenly hit with the image of how good Derek looked laying on top of him in bed… the muscles in his abdomen contracting with every thrust of his body into Spencer’s… Derek’s pupils blown wide with lust…

 

“Pretty boy, everything ok?” Derek asked, resting a hand on Spencer’s shoulder which made him again jump and move away with fright as he yelled out his shock.

 

Derek raised his hands in surrender and said, “Whoa, hey, it’s just me.” He took a step toward Spencer but Spencer moved back until he hit the wall behind him.

 

“I know it’s you,” Spencer said quickly but refused to look up at the man in front of him. He knew that his cheeks were bright red from not only being frightened once again in such a short amount of time, but also at the memory that had assaulted his senses. He couldn’t be thinking those things! They would only lead to more trouble than he was already in!

 

“Ok, well then why do you keep moving away from me?” Derek asked, trying again to move forward but stopping when Spencer appeared to be prepared to climb up the wall to get away. “You know I would never hurt you.”

 

That statement ignited a rage within Spencer that he didn’t even know existed. His head shot up to look into Derek’s face and his eyes narrowed in anger. “You already _have_ hurt me, Derek Morgan!” he practically yelled, his arms coming up to hug around himself in a defensive gesture. “Now just leave me alone!”

 

Spencer then turned around and rushed out of the bathroom, passing a shocked Garcia who apparently was still peeping through the door. He heard Derek calling his name but he didn’t turn around. All he could concentrate on was the overpowering urge to get the Hell out of there.

 

He walked up to Hotch’s office door, knocked a few times and then opened it without waiting for permission to enter. Hotch looked startled at his sudden presence, but hid it quickly in favor of concern when Spencer blurted out, “I need to go home, Hotch, I don’t feel well.”

 

Hotch blinked a few times but then nodded his head. “Of course. Let me know if you need tomorrow as well.”

 

“Thanks,” Spencer answered and then immediately turned around and headed to his desk without another word. He ignored everyone as he gathered up his things into his messenger bag, but when he tried to hurry out of the office, he found his way blocked.

 

“Hold on, pretty boy,” Derek said, sidestepping as Spencer did to continually block his path. “Where are you going so fast?”

 

Spencer huffed in frustration but eventually stopped trying to get around the hulking figure in front of him. “I don’t feel good, Derek,” he said through clenched teeth as anger spiked within him. “I just want to go home.”

 

“So you’re not going to explain to me how you think I’ve hurt you?” Derek asked with a shrug of his shoulders as he crossed his arms in front of him.

 

Spencer sighed and brought his hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “You didn’t hurt me,” he finally said in a quiet voice, the anger leaving him as guilt built in the pit of his stomach. “I just don’t feel good.”

 

“Pretty boy, if I hurt you in some way, I want to know what I did,” Derek said earnestly, also deflating slightly at Spencer’s defeated tone of voice.

 

Spencer closed his eyes and attempted to keep the tears that were pricking the backs of his eyes from falling down his face. “I just want to go home, Derek,” he whispered, then hung his head and stepped around Derek, who let him go.

 

All Spencer could think as he walked towards the exit was that things couldn’t possibly get any worse…

 

* * *

 

 

Three weeks later and Spencer wished he’d never thought that phrase to himself and jinxed his situation. Things had _definitely_ gotten worse and Spencer found himself on the brink of a mental and physical collapse.

 

Everything that he had been feeling before just seemed to intensify as the days went by. His friendship with Derek was still on tenterhooks, but Spencer just couldn’t see a way to release the tension between them. Spencer was certain that if he told him about their drunken tryst, Derek would be angry and shun him for taking advantage of Derek’s lessened inhibitions.

 

The stress of this mental burden was bringing him down, but the physical manifestations of the guilt and secrets along with whatever the Hell else was going on with him was almost worse. Added to his symptoms was almost constant heartburn. He found himself eating antacid tablets almost as much as anything else. And speaking of eating, he’d suddenly found himself almost always craving pork rinds, a fact that the others on the team were quick to pick up on.

 

He walked into the office one morning as he was munching on a bag of the deep-fried snacks and almost immediately, Garcia and Emily descended upon him with incredulous looks on their faces.

 

“Reid, what are you eating?” Garcia asked, looking more like she expected Spencer to sprout another head rather than answer her simple question.

 

Spencer swallowed what was in his mouth and then bit his bottom lip nervously. “Pork rinds?” he answered more in a question than anything.

 

“For breakfast?” Emily asked with a chuckle. “Really up on nutrition, aren’t you…”

 

“Reid, you hate pork rinds,” Garcia said with concern, placing one of her hands on Spencer’s shoulder in an almost comforting gesture. “I’ve heard you say more than once that you think they’re disgusting.”

 

Spencer shrugged then answered, “They _are_ disgusting,” as he reached into the bag for another one.

 

Garcia and Emily both just blinked in confusion as they watched him chew and swallow his apparently gross snack.

 

“Then why are you eating them?” Emily asked seriously, starting to grow worried about her young colleague.

 

Spencer just shrugged again and said, “I don’t know, I just wanted them.” He then headed toward his desk and said nothing more about the issue, considering the case closed. He didn’t notice the girls staring at him with deep concern on their faces.

 

As if the world thought that his life wasn’t becoming embarrassing enough, Spencer also found himself extremely gassy. He thought at first it was from something he was eating, but it seemed like _everything_ just made him uncomfortable and needing to head to the bathroom.

 

He was still throwing up throughout the day, but more often than not, he found himself needing to go to the bathroom for other reasons. His whole digestive system seemed to be going haywire and nothing was working right! He always had to pee and whenever he needed to relieve the gaseous pressure in his abdomen, he was either constipated or had terrible diarrhea. He was seriously considering just moving his desk into the bathroom so he wouldn’t have to waste time running back and forth between the two all day long!

 

Despite the fact that the food he put into his system seemed to want to get _out_ of his system as quickly as possible by any means necessary, Spencer appeared to also be putting on weight. When he’d finally gotten the courage to weigh himself, he’d found that, shockingly, somehow he’d put on 10 pounds! How in the world had _that_ happened?! He just couldn’t seem to understand what was going on.

 

Finally, Spencer found himself at the end of his patience and was determined to figure things out no matter what. It was the lunch hour and he was hungry, but he was still sitting at his desk, running his fingers through his hair. ‘ _Logic,’_ he thought to himself as he tried to clear his mind of all the stress. ‘ _I can think logically. After all, I’m supposed to be a genius! My symptoms obviously aren’t totally from stress or sadness, so I need to approach it in a way where I can see what’s happening. Symptoms. What are my symptoms?’_

 

One by one, he started to list them off mentally, cataloging them into his mental library for further examination. Vomiting, hunger, fatigue, depression, heightened emotions, excessive drooling, stomach pains, heartburn, gas, digestive issues, strange cravings…

 

All the air seemed to be sucked out of him as one thing came to mind. ‘ _No, that can’t be it!’_ he thought frantically, going over his symptoms once more to see if anything else fit. Nothing did… it _was_ possible. Spencer had known since puberty that his gender wasn’t just male. Thinking about puberty, however, gave him some relief. ‘ _No, it’s not possible. I’d have missed periods… and I haven’t… have I?’_

 

Desperately, Spencer searched through his memories of the last few months, hoping beyond hope that he would remember having at least one period… but he couldn’t. ‘ _Oh god… I think I’ve missed two periods… How could I have not noticed that?!’_

 

Spencer swallowed and attempted to calm himself down. This just wasn’t possible. ‘ _Although it would be just my luck,’_ he thought sardonically to himself. ‘ _Have sex just once and you end up…’_

 

He couldn’t bring himself to even _think_ the word. Suddenly, Spencer felt like the walls were closing in on him. What was he going to do?! He couldn’t hold everything in any longer… he _needed_ to tell someone! And luckily, he knew exactly who to go to.


	4. That Sounds Implicating

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got in the writing mood so I'm updating this story sooner than I expected! Yay! Lol :P
> 
> **I edited this chapter to reflect the the DC and Missouri Criminal Codes. I hope that this chapter reflects why I'm trying to say. Please remember that this is, after all, a work of FICTION and I am not a lawyer or a member of law enforcement so if I get some information wrong, please forgive me.
> 
> All legal information was taken from http://koehlerlaw.net/assault-theft/sexual-assault/ and http://statelaws.findlaw.com/missouri-law/missouri-rape-and-sexual-assault-laws.html **

Spencer shot out of his chair and ran across the bullpen toward JJ’s office. Luckily, nearly everyone had gone out to lunch so no one really questioned his actions. When he reached his destination, he saw that JJ’s door was closed. He peeked in her window and saw her light, which meant that she was more than likely in there. He raised his hand to knock, but then brought it back down to his side. ‘ _Am I jumping to conclusions? Yes, I probably am…’_ he thought as he began to pace in front of JJ’s door.

 

When he finally had decided to just go back to his desk, Spencer heard a giggle from inside the office and JJ’s voice, muffled by the closed door, say, “Well are you going to come in, Spence, or are you just going to pace in front of my door for your entire lunch break?”

 

‘ _She must have seen me when I peeked in the window,’_ Spencer thought as he reached for the handle to open the door. He cleared his throat and stuck his head into the office. In a quiet voice and without looking at JJ, he asked, “Can I… um… Can I talk to you?”

 

“Of course, come in!” JJ answered immediately.

 

Spencer opened the door all the way, walked into the office, and closed the door behind him. He then headed over to the couch on the far wall, moved a stack of folders onto the floor, and sat down, all without looking up from his shoes. He then put his elbows on his knees and put his face in his palms.

 

“Spence, what’s the matter?” JJ asked, picking up on his mood and body language.

 

Spencer took a deep breath and straightened up. He looked into JJ’s face for the first time since entering the office and JJ noticed that he had tears in his eyes.

 

JJ leaned forward slightly, getting more worried by the minute. She’d seen Spencer cry more the last couple of months than she had in all the years she’d known him, but still, Spencer didn’t usually cry unless there was something very _seriously_ wrong.

 

Spencer cleared his throat and sniffed, trying to calm himself slightly. “JJ,” he said in a wavering voice. “I think I’m in trouble.” At that, the flood gates opened and tears streamed down his face. He put his face back in his hands but he could not hide the sobs that wracked his thin frame.

 

JJ got up from her desk quickly and rushed over to Spencer, moving another pile of folders out of the way so she could sit next to him. She put her arms around him and rubbed his back in a soothing motion. “Shhh… it’s going to be ok…” she whispered to him.

 

Spencer took a few deep breaths to try to calm himself. “Oh JJ,” he wailed in despair, refusing to take his head out of his hands.

 

“Calm down, Spence, and tell me what’s wrong,” JJ said gently, still rubbing his back.

 

He took a few more deep breaths and finally straightened up. He wiped his eyes and leaned against the back of the couch. He turned his head toward JJ but didn’t quite meet her eyes as he wrapped his arms around his stomach in a protective manner. “I don’t know how to tell you what’s wrong, JJ. I don’t even know where to begin,” he said in a voice close to a whisper.

 

“Ok, well why don’t you start at the beginning,” JJ said as she positioned herself more comfortably on the couch.

 

Spencer sighed and then gave a nervous little chuckle. “The beginning? I don’t even know where the beginning is.” Suddenly he threw his hands up and forced him voice to as close to normal as he could. “I’m probably just overreacting. There’s probably nothing wrong. I just jumped to conclusions. I’m sorry to have interrupted you. I’m just going to go back to work.” Spencer made to get up off the couch but JJ grabbed him and pulled him back down.

 

“No you don’t,” JJ said firmly. “You came in here _extremely_ upset and I’ll be _damned_ if I’m going to let you leave without telling me what’s eating you.”

 

Spencer half-heartedly struggled against her for a few moments, but then calmed down and heaved a big sigh. “Well if I’m right, and I really hope I’m not, then I’ve got a couple problems feeding into each other.”

 

JJ blew out a breath and let go of Spencer, satisfied that he wasn’t going to run away. “Ok… well, just take your time and get it off your chest. Maybe I can help you find out if you’re wrong!”

 

“Alright, I’ll try,” Spencer said in a resigned tone. He then took another deep breath, looked down at his knees, and started. “Ok, do you remember when I told you a while ago that I was… um… well, that I was a… virgin?” He said the last word in almost a whisper, as if he were afraid that someone might overhear.

 

JJ smiled gently and said, “Yes, I do Spence. Does your problem have something to do with that?”

 

Spencer let out a harsh little laugh that held absolutely no amusement. “Yes and no.” He then cleared his throat and, still refusing to meet JJ’s eyes, mumbled, “Well, I’ve officially been deflowered.”

 

JJ stifled a laugh at his choice of words and instead licked her lips and said, “Ok well you don’t sound too happy about it. What happened?”

 

Spencer finally looked up at JJ with a sad smile on his face. “It’s my own fault, really. Do you remember when I told you that I considered my sexuality to be fluid?”

 

She nodded so he went on.

 

“Well, a little over eight weeks ago, I went out drinking with someone I really like and admire. A _male_ someone.” He looked for any sign of disgust or rejection on JJ’s face. Finding none, he continued. “We both ended up getting really drunk. I mean, most of the night is hazy and there are moments I don't remember at all and he was just as bad, although I didn't realize it at the time. Sometime close to midnight, I remember going to the bathroom in the club… and he followed me. When I came out of the stall, he was standing in front of the sinks.” Spencer paused and looked down at his hands, which were slightly shaking. In a distant voice that was almost a whisper, he said, “That’s when he told me I was beautiful.”

 

JJ bit her lip because she was pretty sure she knew where this story was going, but she waited for Spencer to continue in his own time.

 

He took a few deep breaths, stole a fleeting glance at JJ, then gave another mirthless chuckle. “I thought he was kidding.” His face became serious once more but JJ saw a tear escape and run down his cheek. He hastily wiped it away and cleared his throat. “Long story short, he shoved me back into the bathroom stall and started kissing me. It all happened so fast! Before I knew it he had his pants down and was working on mine. In no time, he had me bending over the toilet and… well… you can probably figure the rest out on your own.”

 

“Wait,” JJ said sharply, he eyes wide with concern and shock. “You were attacked?”

 

Spencer’s head snapped up, eyes equally shocked. “No! Not at all!” He said loudly and vehemently, wanting to get the point across that he didn't consider what happened to him to be rape. “No, JJ. I wanted it. I… well, I just didn’t know that _he_ wanted it too. At least… I _thought_ he wanted it. I remember asking him over and over again if he was sure… but he always answered yes in one way or another…”

 

JJ nodded, understanding where he was coming from. “Ok, well it sounds like you both gave pretty clear consent… What happened next that made it so horrible?”

 

Spencer cleared his throat and softly said, “I uh… I ended up inviting him back to my room after we’d uh… after we’d ‘finished.’ It wasn’t very comfortable in the club bathroom.”

 

JJ smiled at the small blush that appeared on Spencer’s face as he skirted around giving details about his tryst. “Your room? As in, not your apartment?” she asked, watching him closely for any emotional tells he may give. When Spencer only nodded his head and didn’t offer any explanation, she probed a little more. “Were we on a case? Were you on vacation?”

 

Spencer hesitated for a moment and bit his lower lip nervously. He then looked away and said, “It was right after we finished up a case. We ended up spending the night and left the next morning.”

 

JJ nodded and when Spencer _still_ didn’t continue, she prodded with, “Ok so what happened after you went back to your room?”

 

Spencer sighed and said, “Well that’s one of my problems, JJ. Somewhere in my mind, I knew he was drunk and I knew that he was probably only paying attention to me _because_ he was drunk, but I didn’t listen to my common sense. We were both equally intoxicated, but, looking back on the situation from a sober frame of mind, I still should have known better! I… I-I just wasn't thinking, JJ,” Spencer realized with wide eyes before he put his head in his hands and broke down entirely. “I just… I had _wanted_ him for such a long time and when he finally showed interest, I just… as drunk as I was, I just believed that it was all true. I should known better! But _god_ , I just didn’t _think_!”

 

JJ hugged him close once more as he cried and said, “No, Spence, you can’t think like that. You were _both_ drunk. Plus, it sounds like _he_ was the aggressor here, not you! _He_ made the advances and _you_ continually asked if he was sure he really wanted to go through with it! It was _consensual_ , Spencer. You both got equally drunk and you both consented.”

 

Spencer shook his head and said, “No, JJ. According to D.C. Criminal Code 22-3006, ‘A person can be convicted of misdemeanor sexual abuse if the person engages in either a sexual act or sexual contact with another person when the offender should have known that he or she did not have the other person’s permission.’”

 

JJ, however, grabbed Spencer’s shoulder and shook her own head, saying, “No, no, no, I know this one too, Spence. I’ve spent enough time around abuse victims that I even have this part of the code _memorized_. D.C. Criminal Code 22-3001 clearly says that a sexual act is ‘(1) the penetration, however slight, of the anus or vulva of another by a penis, (2) contact between the mouth and the penis, the mouth and the vulva, or the mouth and the anus, or (3) the penetration, however, slight, of the anus or vulva by a hand or finger or by any object, with intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade, or arouse or gratify the sexual desire of any person.’

 

“And sexual contact is defined as ‘touching with any clothed or unclothed body part or any object, either directly or indirectly or through the clothing, of the genitalia, anus, groin, breast, inner thigh, or buttocks of any person with an intent to abuse, humiliate, harass, degrade, or arouse or gratify the sexual desire of another person.’

 

“Now, by what you’ve said, _you_ were the one being penetrated and you weren’t humiliated or degraded in any way. _You_ asked his permission many times and you _both_ gave consent. Also, if you touched him in a sexual way, it wasn’t with the intent of humiliating or degrading him, I’m sure of that!”

 

Spencer blinked a few times in shock at JJ’s recitation and then he smiled slightly. “Wow… you really _did_ memorize that.”

 

JJ chuckled slightly but then sighed. “Wait a minute… you said that this happened right after a case. If the case was in DC, we wouldn’t have stayed in a hotel.” JJ stopped talking when Spencer turned to her with wide eyes, so she quickly amended her words. “Not that it really matters because most states have similar criminal codes when it comes to sexual abuse and assault, which, by your account, this wasn’t.”

 

Spencer closed his eyes then took a deep breath and said, "I quoted DC because... well I guess I was trying to avoid stating the location... Sorry... It was in Missouri and Criminal Code sections 566.030, 566.031, 566.100, and 566.101 state pretty much the same things as DC: it has to be forced or nonconsensual."

 

JJ nodded and then furled her brows in concern. “Why haven’t you talked to this person about all of this, though? What happened the next morning? After you two had sobered up?”

 

“Oh god, JJ, that’s _really_ the heart of the problem!” Spencer exclaimed, suddenly throwing up his hands and startling the skinny blonde next to him. He then sighed and settled against the back of the couch. “I woke up first the next morning. It actually took me about ten minutes to even _remember_ why I was in bed with someone else to begin with, but when I finally did piece together the parts that weren't completely hazed out, I made a mental note to myself to never get that drunk again! But anyway, I got out of bed, showered, changed, and began to pack for the flight home when he finally woke up. He sat up straight in bed and seemed startled and confused. I asked him if he was ok and in turn he asked me why I was in his room.”

 

Beside him, JJ gasped, not liking where Spencer’s story was going.

 

Spencer looked over at her and gave her a sad smile. In a monotone voice, he said, “I told him that _he_ was actually in _my_ room and then asked him what he remembered from the night before. When he said that the last thing he remembered was dancing at the club… I panicked. I told him he got drunk and lost his room key so I let him spend the night in mine. I said I let him have the bed and I slept on the couch.”

 

JJ closed her eyes momentarily to process what Spencer had said. When she opened them again, she saw Spencer staring at her with silent tears running down his face. “Oh Spence, I’m so sorry.”

 

He smiled sadly, wiping away the tears. “I should have known better. But I honestly didn’t expect him to _not_ remember the next morning when we both equally drunk! How can _I_ remember most of the night when he doesn't remember _anything_?”

 

JJ shook her head and put her hand on his arm. “I don’t know, Spence,” she softly answered, trying to comfort him as much as possible. “But sometimes it just works like that… or it could be just the way your brain is wired! I mean, you really _don’t_ forget anything… like ever.”

 

“I suppose you’re right,” Spencer mumbled, realizing that _legally_ he hadn’t done anything wrong… but that didn’t stop him from still feeling slightly guilty and somewhat embarrassed about his actions while drunk. Then he cleared his throat and prepared to tell the rest of his troubling tale. “I fear, though, that that may only be half of my problems.”

 

JJ’s eyes widened, wondering what else could have happened to him.

 

“Do you remember me telling you about my… um… my uh… gender?” Spencer asked evasively, again staring at his hands instead of at JJ.

 

JJ was confused for a moment but then understood what he meant. “About you being, what was it… a Category Q intersexed male? Yeah, that’s a conversation I’ll never forget. I thought you were joking when you came in here and asked me if I had any spare tampons that one time! But then I remembered that you don’t joke.” She smiled, trying to lighten the mood but all Spencer did was blush and start rambling.

 

“Category Qs have complete male and female reproductive organs and hormones, even though only the male organs are visible outside of the body. That means that, by being a Category Q, I have a uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, etc. and that my vaginal opening, instead of being on the outside, is instead located inside my rectum. It also means that I have a menstrual cycle, which is the reason why I asked you that time for tampons. I usually remember them, but I was distracted that day and forgot that it was… um… that time of the month.” He cleared his throat, still refusing to meet JJ’s eyes.

 

“Ok so what does your gender have to do with your other problem?” JJ asked curiously, not able to connect the dots.

 

Spencer took a deep, shuttering breath and put his head in his hands. “Oh god, JJ,” he said in a small, wavering voice. “I think I’m pregnant.”

 

Whatever JJ was expecting, it certainly wasn’t this. She sat in shock for a moment and was temporarily lost in thought. ‘ _Is that possible? Well, he does have a menstrual cycle which means that, theoretically, I guess he_ could _get pregnant... I_ have _heard of pregnant intersexed people before but I guess I just never envisioned them as men… But Spence? Wow, this is weird…’_ However, when she heard Spencer let out a small sob, she put her own thoughts to the side, knowing that, right now, one of her best friends needed her. She took a deep breath and said, “Ok, you said that you _think_ you are. Why do you think that? What symptoms do you have?”

 

Spencer sniffed and looked up at JJ with fear in his eyes and a surprised expression on his face as if he couldn’t believe that JJ was believing him so easily. He quickly cleared his throat and tried to regain some of his composure by wiping the stray tears away and taking a few deep breaths.

 

JJ patiently waited for him to calm himself down, remembering how panicked she herself had been when she first found out she was pregnant with her son, Henry.

 

Finally, Spencer was ready to talk again. “Starting around seven weeks ago, I noticed that I was more fatigued than I normally am and it seemed like not matter how much sleep I got or coffee I drank, it just didn’t go away. I also started getting sick and throwing up at the most random moments and suddenly the smell of Garcia’s perfume just made me want to hurl. I started excessively drooling in my sleep and even at random times throughout the day. I’ve also been more depressed and irritable and I’ve been crying over nothing! I started getting this pressure in my lower abdomen that wavered between mild to extremely painful. And it seems like I have to urinate every half hour at least!

 

“Then around four weeks ago, I started noticing that my hands and feet seemed to be more swollen than usual. I have constant heartburn and indigestion and I’m still throwing up. I feel like I am uncomfortably full of gas and I’m always either constipated or have diarrhea.

 

“But the most telling symptoms I’ve noticed are that I am always hungry and craving things that I normally hate, like pork rinds, and even though I keep throwing up, I’ve gained 10 pounds! And…” Spencer paused for a moment, halting his ramblings that had become more and more panicked the further he got. He lowered his voice, which had gotten louder and gained a few octaves during his rant, and, as if he were afraid of the implications of his next statement, he whispered, “And I’ve missed two periods…”

 

JJ just nodded. Even though his symptoms didn’t sound promising, she was still trying to keep a level head and hopefully calm Spencer down a little by being calm herself. She blew out a breath and said, “Well, that all sounds… implicating… but have you taken a pregnancy test?”

 

Spencer shook his head fervently, a look of abject terror plastered on his face.

 

JJ looked at her friend for a moment and made a decision. She got up off the couch, held a hand out to Spencer, and said, “Come on, we’re going out to lunch.”

 

He looked at her hand in confusion. “But JJ, we’ve been talking for almost twenty minutes and I started my lunch hour at least fifteen minutes before that. I don’t have time to go out anywhere,” he said hopelessly.

 

JJ smiled and said, “Just leave that to me. Now come on, let’s go!”

 

Spencer grabbed her offered hand without another word and got up off the couch.

 

Without letting his hand go, JJ grabbed her purse off her desk and drug Spencer out of her office and toward Hotch’s open door. She knocked, went in, and, in a somber voice, asked, “Hey, Hotch, can we take an extended lunch as long as nothing comes up?”

 

Hotch looked up and saw JJ’s determined face. He then looked over at Spencer, who, he was surprised to see, was visibly upset and had been crying if his red and puffy eyes said anything. Hotch lifted his eyebrows, slightly concerned at the pair, but he didn’t ask, trusting that his agents would let him know if the problem was anything _too_ serious. Instead he just said, “Yes, of course,” then looked back down at the paperwork on his desk.

 

Spencer stared at his boss in disbelief but JJ just smiled and said, “Thank you.” She then drug Spencer out of Hotch’s office, through the bullpen amidst curious looks from their coworkers, over to Spencer’s desk so he could grab his messenger bag, and then out the glass doors and toward the elevator.


	5. Where to Go From Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, next chapter everyone! Hope it's to your liking :) As always, I love getting comments and kudos!

Spencer sat in JJ’s car while she ran into a local drug store. He felt himself close to tears again as he thought about what the future would be like if he _was_ indeed pregnant. He took a deep breath and sniffed, trying to ward away the inevitable hysteria. _‘I’ll have to tell Derek…’_ he thought despairingly. But how was he going to do that? _‘How can I tell Derek without ruining our friendship? He’ll hate me for what we did together! Especially since he was sexually abused as a child. I should have fought him or something, but at the time, what he was doing to me seemed ok. Why did I allow my brain to get so muddled?! What am I going to do?’_ And with that, his barriers gave way.

 

When JJ opened the car door ten minutes later with a shopping bag in her hand, Spencer was still sobbing uncontrollably. Without asking what was wrong, JJ just put her arms around him as best as she could and tried to calm him down.

 

A few minutes later, Spencer had stopped sobbing and was just trying to catch his breath and wipe the tears away. “I’m sorry,” he said breathlessly.

 

“Hunny, no! You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” JJ insisted, letting him go out of the hug. She rubbed his arm for a few seconds and then turned her attention to the shopping bag. “I got some things for you.” She reached into the bag and pulled out a box of pregnancy tests, a bottle of ginger ale, a pack of saltine crackers, and a huge bag of pork rinds.

 

Spencer chuckled and felt shocked that JJ had remembered him mentioning his craving for pork rinds. “Thanks for those,” he said, pointing at the bag.

 

She smiled and answered, “No problem. And even if you aren’t pregnant, you’re still feeling bad so you deserve something special!”

 

Spencer smiled for a moment, then grabbed the box of pregnancy tests. He started reading the directions on the back as JJ started the car.

 

“Where do you feel like eating?” JJ asked as she backed out of the parking space and pulled back onto the road.

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Spencer muttered, still looking at the box even though JJ knew that he had already finished reading the directions.

 

JJ sighed and pulled over at an Applebee’s. She looked over at her friend and put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be ok, Spence,” she said gently. When he didn’t respond or even look at her, she sighed and pulled the box from his hands. She opened it and took out three tests. “Stick these in your pocket,” she instructed, handing him the tests.

 

He looked at her, slightly confused, but did what she said without question.

 

JJ then opened her car door to get out. When Spencer didn’t move, she prodded with, “Well, come on!”

 

He silently got out and followed JJ into the restaurant.

 

JJ requested a private booth and when they were seated and had their drink orders in, JJ whispered, “Go to the bathroom and use the tests.”

 

Spencer looked shocked and said, “What, here? Now?”

 

“Yes here. A crowded restaurant is as private as we’re going to get in the middle of Quantico,” JJ reasoned. She also knew that Spencer wouldn’t freak out quite as bad if he were in public. He didn’t like people staring at him so he would be forced to control his emotions and think about the problem.

 

Spencer seemed to agree with her and stood up to go.

 

“Oh, and use all three and come back here right after,” JJ added before Spencer could go anywhere. “I don’t want you getting the results alone, ok?”

 

“Why do I have to use all three?” Spencer asked with a slightly confused look on his face.

 

JJ smiled and explained, “To prevent against false positives. If you just use one, you don’t really know if it’s an accurate or a false reading. If you use two and the second contradicts the first, then you still don’t know. But if you use three, then you can be surer of the result. If you get two negatives, you know you most likely aren’t, but if you get two positives, then you know you most likely are. Ok?”

 

Spencer stared at JJ for a moment and looked like he was going to argue, but then he just nodded his assent and headed for the bathroom. When he got in there, he eyed the urinals, but decided upon a stall instead. He didn’t want anyone walking in a catching him.

 

He locked the stall door and pulled the tests from his pocket. He took a deep breath and thought, _‘Well, this is it. These tests will decide my entire future. Am I ready for this? Well it’s a little late to be second guessing yourself, idiot. Should have thought of that_ before _you had sex with a drunk man who could never love you.’_

 

Spencer closed his eyes for a moment and breathed deeply. With a newly found determination, he opened his eyes and unwrapped each of the tests. He then unzipped his pants and proceeded to follow the instructions he had read on the box.

 

When he was finished, he left the stall, gripping all three tests in one hand. He quickly washed his hands, picked the tests back up and nearly sprinted to the booth, where JJ and their drinks were waiting for him.

 

He sat down and laid the tests on the table between them.

 

JJ laid a napkin over the tests so that no one, including them, could see them. “Ok, now decide what you want so we can order!” she said enthusiastically.

 

Spencer looked at JJ before glancing down at the napkin-covered tests. “What about…” he asked, not having to finish his sentence.

 

JJ smiled and responded, “They’ll still be there when we’re finished, Spence. For now, take a deep breath, calm down, and enjoy whatever you want. I’m paying!”

 

Spencer looked at JJ with moist eyes and laughed. He knew she was just trying to get his mind off things and calm him down enough so that he wouldn’t completely freak out at the results… and he was immensely grateful for her support. _‘What did I do to deserve such great friends?’_ he thought happily as he stared down at his menu.

 

Spencer ended up ordering spinach and artichoke dip as well as mozzarella sticks for an appetizer, two bowls of chicken noodle soup and shrimp fettuccini alfredo for the main course, and a slice of strawberry cheesecake and a triple chocolate meltdown for dessert. He polished off all of his food like he hadn’t eaten in a week and also managed to drink two non-alcoholic strawberry daiquiris, two cups of cola, and three cups of coffee, decaffeinated per JJ’s request.

 

As JJ watched Spencer eat with an amused smile on her face, she thought to herself, ‘ _This boy is either pregnant or he contracted a tapeworm somehow!_ ’ Not only had she never seen someone eat that much in one sitting, but she had never seen someone, who wasn’t starving to death, eat so _desperately_! When Spencer finally took his last bite, he sat back in his chair, sighed contentedly, and closed his eyes.

 

JJ chuckled slightly as Spencer started to rub circles on his stomach. “Did you eat too fast, Spence? We were in no real hurry, you know.”

 

Spencer opened his eyes and looked at JJ’s smiling face in confusion. Then he looked down at his still-moving hand and, as if he suddenly realized what he was doing, snatched his hand away from his stomach. He looked up at JJ with wide and bewildered eyes and he said, “No, I’m fine; I feel fine. I… I-I don’t know why I was doing that. I didn’t even _realize_ I was…”

 

“Spence, it’s ok,” JJ gave him a reassuring smile. She knew that Spencer did not like the unexplainable, but she was afraid that if he _was_ indeed pregnant, he would soon have to get used to things he couldn’t always explain. JJ cleared her throat, taking in Spencer’s worried gaze, and said tentatively, “Can I ask you a question?”

 

Spencer blinked like he was coming out of a trance, and answered, “What? Of course! You can ask anything you want to, JJ.” He took a deep breath and smiled slightly at her, trying to encourage her to speak as well as trying to make himself less nervous.

 

“Is the uh… Is the other… um…” JJ sighed and closed her eyes briefly, trying to figure out a way to ask her question that was both tactful and wouldn’t upset Spencer too badly. She cleared her throat again and decided to come at the question a different way. “I know you probably don’t want to tell me who the other half of your potential child is, Spencer, because according to you, he himself doesn’t know. But, I was hoping you would at least tell me if it was someone that I know.”

 

Spencer rubbed his hands across his face and took a deep breath. He had been hoping that JJ wouldn’t ask about the identity of his one-night-stand, but he should have known that she would be curious about it. He knew that JJ wasn’t trying to pry into his personal life… and Spencer _did_ come to her in the first place, after all.

 

He finally looked JJ in the eye and tearfully asked, “Is it right for me to tell _you_ when I’m too afraid to tell _him_? I value his friendship more than I want to be with him romantically. I should have fought off his advances, JJ! I wasn’t thinking clearly! After he woke up and didn’t remember… I never planned on telling him. But if I’m pregnant, I’ll _have_ to tell him! And he’ll _hate_ me!”

 

JJ reached across the table for Spencer’s hand and rubbed it soothingly, trying to calm him down. “I’m sure he won’t hate you, Spencer –”

 

“No, you don’t understand!” Spencer interrupted. “He’ll hate me because he was sexually abused as a child!” he exclaimed, then clapped his hands over his mouth as he realized what he had revealed.

 

JJ, however, didn’t seem surprised. “Is it Morgan?” she asked quietly.

 

Spencer’s breath hitched and he squeaked, “I never said that!”

 

JJ sighed and kindly said, “Its ok, Spencer. I’ve seen the way you look at him. You’ve had a crush on him since the day you first walked into the BAU bullpen and saw him flexing his muscles and flirting with anything that had conscious thought!”

 

Spencer let out a surprised laugh at her comment, but tears were silently streaking down his face, revealing his true emotions.

 

JJ saw this and continued. “What _you_ haven’t seen, however, is the way _Morgan_ looks back at _you_.”

 

At this, Spencer’s eyes grew wide and he spluttered, “Wha-What? What are you talking about?”

 

JJ gave a little breathy chuckle and said, “I have seen Morgan eye you up and down so many times that it’s almost laughable. I’ve seen him get jealous every time someone hits on you. And, think about it: alcohol takes away inhibitions but it doesn’t create emotions that weren’t there to begin with. That means, whoever you slept with _must_ have had some kind of feelings for you, other than friendship, to _begin_ with!”

 

Spencer just stared at JJ with his mouth open, trying to process what she was trying to say.

 

Not getting any verbal response, JJ looked Spencer in the eye and said, “So was it Morgan that you slept with? Are you possibly carrying Morgan’s child?”

 

Automatically, Spencer started shaking his head vehemently. But with every passing second that JJ did nothing but stare at him, his resolve to keep the secret that JJ had already figured out waned. His head-shaking became less and less determined until finally he stopped altogether and instead gave a little nod. Then he burst into tears and sobbed so hard that JJ got up and sat down next to him in his booth chair. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, rubbing her hand across his back and saying comforting words in a soothing voice.

 

When Spencer finally calmed down and was just sniffling into her shoulder, JJ let him out of the hug and instead put her hands on either side of his face, slowly positioning his head so that he was looking JJ in the eye. She gave him a reassuring smile and said, “No matter what happens, it is going to be ok, Spencer. Alright?”

 

Spencer sniffed and slowly nodded his head. He didn’t trust very many people, but he knew JJ would never say something she didn’t whole-heartedly believe.

 

JJ smiled brightly and said, “Ok. Now, how about we see what those tests say so that we can figure out where to go from here. Sound good?”

 

Spencer once again nodded, then looked away from JJ and toward the three pregnancy tests sitting in the far corner of the table, the napkin still draped over them.

 

JJ got up and went to sit back in her own seat. She then reached across the table and grabbed Spencer’s hand, giving him one more smile before she whipped the napkin away, revealing the results for the both of them to see.


	6. I'm Not Sure How I Feel About That

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slow updates, everyone. I hope it was worth the wait however and I will honestly try to make my updates more regular in the future :D As always, I love comments, kudos, and really constructive (not hateful) feedback of any kind! Thanks!

Something was wrong with Spencer. Derek could see it, feel it, sense it, even _taste_ it! And he could count down to the _day_ when everything changed. Even though Spencer had never _said_ anything, Derek just _knew_ that all of this had to do with the day Derek had woken up in Spencer’s hotel room with a terrible hangover. Spencer had told Derek that he’d lost his key so Spencer let Derek sleep in _his_ room… but Derek was starting to doubt that story.

 

Before that night, things had been great between them! After that night… well, suffice it to say, Spencer had been _different_. He’d become more aloof, more fidgety, and more depressed. Everything that Derek tried to make his best friend feel better failed. Every time Derek had invited Spencer out or over to his house, Spencer had given an excuse. Whenever the team went out as a whole and Spencer couldn’t get out of it, he didn’t really participate in whatever they were doing and he left as soon as possible.

 

‘ _He’s avoiding everyone… but he’s avoiding_ me _especially,’_ Derek thought to himself with a sigh. ‘ _What the Hell did I do to him? I must have done something that night for him to avoid me so_ religiously _…’_

Derek put his head in his hands and just tried to think. He’d gone to the park a few blocks away from the office for his lunch hour, hoping that the soothing sounds of nature would help to clear his mind. Unfortunately, the park was more crowded than it usually was so Derek’s ears kept getting assaulted by the sounds of children playing, people talking, and cars pulling in and out of the nearby parking lot.

 

Derek growled in frustration and finally just got up from his seat on the park bench, deciding to head back to the office. He knew that Spencer never took a full lunch and was probably already back at his desk (if he ever even _left_ his desk in the first place), so this would be a perfect opportunity to confront him again about what was going on.

 

Besides the reassurances he gave Spencer about a week after he noticed that Spencer was acting stranger than normal, he hadn’t really broached the issue with him. He had hoped that Spencer would eventually come and tell Derek what the problem was. After all, they were best friends! They shared nearly _everything_ with each other! Or, at least they _had_ before that accursed night that Derek couldn’t even _remember_ …

 

He sighed as he walked into the building, preparing himself mentally for the conversation that could potentially be very emotional. He wondered how Spencer would react to Derek cornering him and demanding to know what the _Hell_ was wrong. He stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the correct floor, entertaining several different scenarios in his head ranging from Spencer bursting into tears to Spencer taking a swing at Derek.

 

‘ _Maybe I shouldn’t do this at the office,’_ Derek thought to himself as he pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. He didn’t want to _embarrass_ Spencer… but Derek _needed_ to know what was bothering him! He needed to know if it was his fault and, if it was, how he could fix it or make it up to Spencer. Derek wasn’t ashamed to admit that he missed his best friend. There had even been a few instances (before whatever happened… well… _happened)_ where Derek thought that he and Spencer were growing closer than just friends.

 

Derek had come to the conclusion that he was bisexual just a few months before his father had been killed, but after the whole ordeal with Carl Buford, Derek didn’t know if he could ever _be_ with someone his own sex… at least without flashing back or freaking out. But, the first time he ever laid eyes on Spencer Reid… Derek thought he may have to reassess his feelings about homosexual relationships. Spencer was absolutely _beautiful_! And when Derek got to _know_ Spencer and discovered that he was just as beautiful on the inside as he was on the outside, Derek knew he was a goner. He just _knew_ that he would never find anyone else as special as Spencer and so he’d made it his mission to become a part of the boy genius’ life.

 

Derek had flirted his heart out for weeks, but Spencer always seemed to either not notice or ignore the advances. So Derek eventually decided to make the best of things and just become friends with the amazing man, concluding that, even if things never went further, it was better to have Spencer in his life in _any_ capacity than to not have him at all.

 

Derek had worked the hardest he could to assure Spencer that yes, Derek really _did_ want to be his friend, and no, this wasn’t all some cruel joke that would end with Spencer getting a swirly or pantsed or something. Eventually, Spencer began to trust Derek and they formed a very tight bond.

 

Derek continued to shamelessly flirt with Spencer, calling him ‘Pretty Boy’ or laying a hand on his shoulder or even brushing up against him at every opportunity. For the first few months, Spencer would wrinkle his nose at the nickname and jump every time Derek (or really _anyone_ ) touched him. But Spencer seemed to get used to Derek’s words and touch. Derek would notice a smirk or small smile on Spencer’s face whenever Derek spoke the endearment… and he certainly _loved_ it when he saw Spencer still jump or flinch at everyone _else’s_ touch, but not Derek’s.

 

After catching Spencer admiring his form and staring longingly at him a few times, Derek had even begun to renew his hope that Spencer was growing used to the idea of being in a real relationship with him. He started flirting more than ever and thought that maybe it was time for him to ask Spencer out on a real date… but then everything changed.

 

Derek had decided that it would be a good idea to go out drinking after the end of a successful case and he’d invited Spencer along, thinking that, after a few drinks, Spencer might start to open up a little. But instead, Derek himself had apparently gotten drunk out of his mind and quite possibly ruined everything he’d been working toward for the past four years. The last thing that he could clearly remember was thinking how good Spencer’s ass looked in the pants he was wearing and how much Derek would love to just reach out and grab himself a handful…

 

The rest of the night was just gone, like it had never happened at all. There were no blurred images to sift through or random spots of memory here and there… there was literally just… _nothing!_ And Derek _hated_ that! Not only did Derek make an effort to remember every single interaction he ever had the privilege of having with Spencer, but this one seemed to be one of the most important ones in their entire friendship! And Derek couldn’t remember _any_ of it! How was he supposed to fix what he couldn’t remember?!

 

As the elevator doors slid open and Derek stepped out into the hallway, a frightening thought stopped him dead in his tracks. ‘ _What if I told him I liked him while I was drunk and he took it badly? What if he’s been so distant lately because he doesn’t know how to tell me he doesn’t want me in his life anymore?!’_ The thought made his blood run cold and his breath start to come in great gasps.

 

Derek leaned up against the wall when his knees started to buckle and he mentally berated himself for overreacting in such a way. He told himself that everything would be ok if he could just _talk_ to Spencer. If Derek could find out what had happened that upset Spencer so badly, then Derek could find a way to fix things. He hoped.

 

Derek sighed and rubbed his hands over his face before he pushed himself off the wall and continued on his way into the BAU bullpen. But he again froze when he saw that Spencer wasn’t at his desk. A quick look around also told Derek that Spencer wasn’t in the breakroom or any of the offices he might have a reason to be in.

 

He saw that Emily was at her desk so, as casually as he could manage, Derek walked over and braced his hands on the surface she was working on. “Hey girl,” Derek said, sporting what he hoped was a charming smile that wouldn’t give away any of his inner nervousness. “You know where Spencer is?”

 

Emily looked up from her work, a little half smile on her face as she answered, “Nope, sorry. Both he and JJ were gone when I got back so I just assumed they went out to lunch together.”

 

Derek nodded and hid his disappointment as best as he could. “Yeah, that makes sense.” Then he half shrugged and stood up straight once more. “Thanks,” he said and walked over to his desk, ignoring the way Emily’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion over Derek’s response.

 

Derek sighed once more as he sat heavily in his chair and put his face in his hands. ‘ _Maybe I should call him?’_ he asked himself but quickly shot that suggestion down. Yes, he needed to talk to Spencer and yes, he was anxious and nervous as Hell… but he wouldn’t disturb what was probably a pleasant lunch between Spencer and his pseudo-sister. No, Derek would just wait at his desk and do his work… and just _pray_ that Spencer would be back soon.

 

* * *

 

 

Spencer was in shock. He was staring directly down at the three tests on the table, but he just couldn’t believe what they were saying. ‘ _That’s not possible,’_ a weak voice said in his head but he immediately knew that that wasn’t true. ‘ _If you didn’t think it was possible, you wouldn’t have bothered with the tests in the first place,’_ another stronger voice said snidely, making Spencer wince.

 

“Spence, you ok?” JJ asked softly, giving his hand a squeeze as she watched him closely.

 

Spencer swallowed convulsively a few times and sniffed loudly but didn’t answer. All he could do was stare down at the three little ‘positives’ that controlled his entire future. His mind was going a thousand miles a minute trying to process what was happening and all the emotions that he was feeling… but he just couldn’t.

 

Suddenly, he felt like everything was going in slow motion and he couldn’t breathe. He felt lightheaded and dizzy and knew that if he didn’t get himself under control, he was going to pass out (which was something he _really_ didn’t want to do, especially in such a public place).

 

He felt JJ slip in beside him once more and start running her fingers through his hair. “Breathe Spence,” she said gently while she continued her soothing ministrations. “Everything’s going to be ok… just breathe.”

 

Spencer made an effort to concentrate only on his breathing in order to calm it down. Deep breaths in… Deep breaths out… Don’t pass out in public. After a few minutes, the lightheadedness left and he felt better. But then, when he thought about what had made him panic in the first place, he could feel himself getting upset again.

 

“Oh god, JJ,” he said in a hoarse and broken voice, his eyes starting to burn with unshed tears. “What am I going to do?”

 

JJ sighed heavily and gripped Spencer’s shoulder to show her support. “That’s up to you, sweetie,” she said softly and then moved her hand to continue to comb her fingers through his hair. “But you _do_ need to tell Morgan.”

 

Spencer took a harsh breath in and could feel himself visibly pale. In his panic, he’d almost forgotten about his troubles with Derek. “I… I don’t know if I c-can,” he whispered, sounding absolutely terrified.

 

“You _have_ to, Spence,” JJ answered firmly, making sure to meet his eyes so he knew how serious she was being. “He deserves to know… and if you _don’t_ tell him, I will. I’m sorry.”

 

Spencer swallowed… he wanted to be angry with her, but he knew that she was right. Even if Derek _hated_ him after learning the truth about what they’d done together… and what Spencer had and _hadn’t_ done… Derek still had the right to know he was going to be…

 

“C-Can I wait until I see a doctor or something?” Spencer asked in a quavering voice, his lower lip starting to tremble. “I mean… maybe I’m _not_ pregnant… maybe I just have testicular cancer.”

 

JJ blinked a few times and her hand in Spencer’s hair faltered a moment. “Excuse me?”

 

“It has been recently discovered that males showing signs of testicular cancer produce the same hormones that cause a positive read on a pregnancy test,” Spencer spouted off, not really paying attention to JJ as he spoke.

 

JJ blinked a few more times as she processed what Spencer was saying. “How would having cancer be better than being pregnant?” she asked incredulously, using her other hand to cup his cheek and turn his head so he had to look in her direction.

 

Spencer swallowed and looked down. Even though JJ was holding his face still, it didn’t mean that he had to hold eye contact! “At least I wouldn’t have to lose Derek as a friend if I have cancer” he finally answered in a whisper, a single tear trailing its way down his face.

 

“Oh Spence,” JJ said sympathetically and pulled Spencer into a tight hug, rubbing her hand up and down his spine as he breathed heavily into her shoulder. “I honestly don’t think that you’ll _ever_ lose Morgan as a friend, no matter _what_ happens. Like I said before, I’ve _seen_ the way he looks at you and I don’t think he’d willingly take himself out of your life anytime soon.”

 

“You can’t know that for sure,” Spencer said despondently, his breath hitching as he tried his best not to just start sobbing outright. The whole situation just seemed so _hopeless_!

 

“No, I can’t know for _sure_ ,” JJ answered patiently, continuing to hold the man she considered to be her little brother tightly and comfort him as much as she could. “But you can’t just continually worry about what you can’t control.”

 

Spencer sniffed and leaned back out of the hug, bringing his hands up to rub at his eyes and taking a long, deep breath. “You’re right,” he said quietly and worked on controlling his breathing a little more. “You’re right… I just… I feel so _stupid_!”

 

“Don’t be like that,” JJ said and reached her hand up to brush some of Spencer’s hair behind his ear. “We all have times where we look back and wish we’d done things differently… but sometimes, those specific moments lead to wonderful places in life that wouldn’t have come about otherwise… I mean, I personally think you would be a _fantastic_ father.”

 

“Father?” Spencer repeated back in a question, his voice somewhat distant. “Or would I be a mother? What would I be?”

 

JJ chuckled and leaned over to kiss Spencer’s forehead. “I guess you’ll be whatever you want to be, hunny. Either way, you’re going to be great.”

 

“Really?” Spencer asked, still somewhat distant. He blinked his eyes a few times as if he was trying to bring himself back to reality. No matter how many times he tried to deny it to himself, he knew that, in all likelihood, he really _was_ pregnant. A small, tentative smile stretched his mouth and he licked his lips, bringing his eyes up to meet JJ’s. “I’m… I’m going to have a baby,” he slowly said, as if he were testing the phrase out on his lips.

 

“Yes, probably,” JJ said with a nod of her head, wanting Spencer to come to terms with this on his own.

 

“I… I’m not… I’m not sure how I… how I feel about that,” he said haltingly, blinking his eyes rapidly and swallowing a few times as emotions, flashing rapidly between joy and terror, played across his face.

 

“And that’s alright,” JJ answered earnestly, making sure to keep eye contact. “When I was pregnant with Henry, I went through a _ton_ of different emotions. And I _still_ go through those emotions as Henry tests my limits and I try my best to be a good parent… but, every time I look at him, I _know_ that keeping him and going through the pregnancy was the _best_ decision I _ever_ made. And I hope that, eventually, you’ll come to a similar conclusion.”

 

Spencer sniffed loudly and nodded his head, appreciative that JJ was there for not only moral support but experience as well. He then closed his eyes and took a couple deep breaths, licking his lips every now and then, all in an effort to keep his composure.

 

JJ put her hand on Spencer’s shoulder and squeezed. She stared at him for a moment and then nodded to herself as she made up her mind. “Alright, I’m going to take you home and you’re going to make a doctor’s appointment and then you’re going to relax for the rest of the evening, alright?”

 

Spencer’s eyes shot open at her words. “Wh-What? What about work?” he asked nervously. “I can’t just skip out on the rest of the day!”

 

“Yes, you can,” JJ said as she got up and grabbed her purse, taking out her wallet to count out the cash for the bill and the tip. “And you _will_ , no arguments! I’m going to call Hotch and tell him you’re not feeling well. And besides, I doubt you’ll be able to concentrate on work anymore today _anyway_.”

 

Spencer sniffed and considered her words. She was right; he probably _wouldn’t_ be able to get much done with everything that was racing through his mind. And going back into the office to sit next to Derek for a few hours didn’t sound too appealing either. He didn’t know if he could keep his cool with the object of his affection (and affliction) right beside of him.

 

So when JJ finally held her hand out for him, he took it with conviction and got up from his seat, grabbing the pregnancy tests on his way up and sticking them in his pocket. Not only did he want to keep them as mementos (hoping that he would _eventually_ be happy over all of this) but he didn’t want to just _leave_ them for the waitress to clean up! How embarrassing!

 

JJ smiled at the action but didn’t comment on it, instead saying, “Alright let’s get you home. Oh, and don’t think I’m not going to call you periodically throughout the evening just to make _sure_ you’re relaxing!”

 

Spencer rolled his eyes but smiled as he walked out of the restaurant to get into JJ’s car, secretly glad that she cared about him enough to want to check up on him. “Alright, mom,” he said with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

 

JJ smacked his arm playfully before she went around to get into the driver’s side and start the car.

 

Spencer smiled wider as he got into the passenger seat, already feeling happier than he had in the past few months. He only hoped it would last.


	7. Maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took so long. I've been getting some really mean hater comments which have really impeded my creative ability because I want people to like my stuff. I know that I have a lot of kind readers whose comments have kept me from stopping writing altogether, but I'm still hurt by the awful words and the name-calling. If anyone cares, I updated a lot of chapter 4 and tiny parts of chapters 5 and 6 of this story so my readers know for certain that this was NOT rape (because if I honestly thought it was in any way, shape, or form, I would put that as a warning). Also, I've edited all my mpreg stories for word usage because I'm sick of people taking things the wrong way despite my chapter notes explaining my decisions. I really hope that I get some positive comments from this chapter because otherwise, it may take me a while to get back in the writing mood. All I can say is sorry and I hope you enjoy this.

Derek thought he was going to go _crazy_! He’d been sitting at his desk for over an hour, trying to concentrate on his paperwork but ultimately not being very successful, all the while keeping an eye on the glass doors leading into the bullpen so he knew when Spencer came back from lunch. ‘ _He’s never taken this long of a lunch before!’_ he exclaimed to himself as he let out a low growl of frustration.

 

He vaguely registered Emily turning around to give him a strange look, but Derek didn’t say anything to her. He didn’t care if he was acting weird. He just needed for Spencer to come back, damn it! What the Hell could be taking him so long?!

 

After a few more minutes of tapping his fingers and shifting around in his chair, Derek decided to get up and ask Hotch if he knew what was going on. After all, Spencer and JJ had been gone _way_ longer than the normal lunch period, so they would have _had_ to give Hotch some sort of reason for it… right?

 

Derek walked up the stairs to the catwalk and then knocked on Hotch’s door, waiting for an answer before he opened it and walked in. He leaned against the door frame, not bothering to sit down because he didn’t think he’d be in the room very long.

 

“What can I do for you, Morgan?” Hotch asked as he closed the file he was working on and folded his hands on his desk.

 

“I just wanted to ask if you knew what time Spencer would be back,” Derek answered, shoving his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t fidget too much. “I need to talk to him about something.”

 

Hotch scrutinized Derek for a moment but then said, “JJ just called and said she was taking Reid home because he wasn’t feeling well so he won’t be back to the office today.”

 

Derek tried not to look too disappointed but he did end up letting out a small sigh. “Alright, thanks,” he mumbled and started to turn around to leave.

 

“Morgan, wait a moment,” Hotch suddenly called, causing Derek to stop in his tracks and turn back toward the office. “I’d like to talk to you in private for just a minute.”

 

Derek blinked a few times in confusion but stepped into the office and closed the door behind him anyway. He reluctantly took a seat and tried not to shift around too much as he stared at Hotch quizzically.

 

“I’ve noticed in the past few months that Reid seems to be avoiding you,” Hotch started, causing Derek to close his eyes in frustration, realizing what it was that Hotch wanted to talk to him about. “He’s been acting differently in a lot of other ways as well. I’d like to know what’s going on between you and him.”

 

Derek sighed again, but this time more heavily, and opened his eyes. “Hotch, I’ve been wondering the same thing. I have no idea what I did to hurt him or piss him off and he won’t talk to me!” He paused a moment to gather his emotions so that he wouldn’t end up yelling at Hotch for something that wasn’t his fault. “That’s really why I wanted to know when he would be back. I _need_ to find out if he’s acting the way he is because of me. If it’s my fault, then maybe I can fix it.”

 

Hotch again just stared at Derek for a moment before he nodded his head. “Alright. I won’t bring him in for a chat at this point in time, but if he doesn’t get it together, I’m going to have to. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find out what the problem is before it comes to that.”

 

Derek narrowed his eyes in conviction. “I plan to,” he answered and then got up from his seat and headed out of the office and back to his desk. ‘ _Now all I have to do is wait for the end of the workday to come,’_ he said to himself as he opened a new file on his desk and started to work again.

 

* * *

 

 

Spencer had taken JJ’s advice and had called his doctor as soon as he’d gotten back to his apartment and, much to his surprise, he’d gotten an appointment for early the next morning. After that, he’d changed into lounge pants and a T-shirt and had sat himself in front of the television in his living room, his pork rinds and a bottle of ginger ale within arm’s reach in case he got hungry or thirsty.

 

After the meal he’d eaten with JJ, he felt that he shouldn’t be hungry for at least a week! But, after an hour and a half of watching a documentary about bees on the National Geographic channel, Spencer found himself reaching into the bag of pork rinds for a snack. He was a little surprised at feeling hungry so soon after eating, but he put it toward the back of his mind and tried not to worry about it.

 

Spencer wasn’t used to being idle, however, so, even though he enjoyed watching TV, when the clock struck 5pm, he was ready to do something else. He flipped the set off and got to his feet, intending to find a book to read. Really, he was looking for anything to keep his mind off of his bigger problem because whenever he thought about Derek or being pregnant, he just panicked and couldn’t really think about _anything_.

 

Just as he made it over to the bookshelves in the corner of his living room, though, a frantic knock sounded from his front door. Spencer furled his brows in confusion but walked back through the living room and toward the door with a shrug of his shoulder. When he opened the door, however, he felt like slamming it closed again (and may have had the person knocking not forced his way around Spencer and into the apartment).

 

“D-Derek?” Spencer spluttered out as he closed the door and turned to face the darker man, who was leaning on the back of Spencer’s couch and staring back at him. “What are you doing here?”

 

Derek smirked but Spencer could tell it was forced. “I just need to talk to you, pretty boy.”

 

Spencer licked his lips, fearing that he knew exactly what Derek wanted to talk about. “O-Ok… um… wh-what about?”

 

Derek took a deep breath and seemed to steel himself before he answered. “I really need you to tell me what’s wrong, Spencer.”

 

Spencer sighed and walked around Derek to sit in the recliner positioned at a right angle to the couch. “I’m not sure I know what you mean,” he answered, trying to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

 

Derek made a growling sound and stalked toward Spencer. “You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about, kid,” he said in a low, slightly dangerous voice.

 

Spencer jumped when Derek leaned in toward him and placed his hands on either side of Spencer’s face, their noses ending up just inches away from each other. His eyes widened and he bit his lower lip, unsure of what to do or say.

 

Derek seemed to deflate a little at the somewhat scared look on Spencer’s face, so he stood up straight again and headed over to the couch to sit on the closest cushion to the recliner. “Listen,” he began in a calmer voice. “Ever since that night I got drunk, you’ve been different. I miss you, man. I miss us hanging out and our easy-going conversations… I just… I _need_ to know if all of this is my fault.”

 

“No,” Spencer answered in a small voice as he tried not to cry. “It’s just… I remember what happened and you don’t… and that makes me feel like it’s _my_ fault. I was drunk too but that’s no excuse. I’ve just been so afraid that… that you’ll _hate_ me.” By the time he was done, his lower lip was quivering and tears were running down his cheeks.

 

“Pretty boy, no,” Derek said gently as he slid off the couch to kneel in front of Spencer and grab the genius’s small hands in his own. “I don’t think I could ever hate you. You’re too important to me.”

 

Spencer sniffed and stared into Derek’s eyes, seeing only warmth and affection in them. And, seeing no way around it and wanting to get it over as soon as possible, Spencer blurted out, “We slept together.”

 

Derek blinked a few times in surprise and found himself speechless for a moment. Then he cleared his throat and said, “I uh… God, Spencer, I am… I’m so sorry I didn’t remember! Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

Spencer’s eyes widened in shock and, as he opened and closed his mouth a few times to respond, he found himself unable to speak. This was certainly _not_ what he’d expected after saying something like that to Derek.

 

Derek sighed and squeezed Spencer’s hands in a show of comfort. “You were afraid,” he said softly and with a hint of sadness. “I get it. After all, I never came right out and told you how much you mean to me, and I don’t think you really ever noticed or understood what kind of attention I was giving you. But, I’m going to say it now. Ever since I first laid eyes on you, I’ve had a crush on you, Spencer Reid. And, even though I never imagined a conversation about it going quite like this, I would be honored if you would consider going out with me.”

 

Spencer’s mouth just hung open as he tried to process what Derek was telling him. ‘ _He… He really_ likes _me? Did I hear that right?’_ After what seemed like an eternity of just staring at the gorgeous man kneeling in front of him, Spencer shut his mouth and sniffed loudly, trying to compose himself. “I-I… I’m not sure what to say,” he eventually choked out, his voice slightly hoarse. “You’re serious?”

 

Derek smiled warmly and squeezed Spencer’s hands once again. “I’m _very_ serious, Spencer. But I also understand if you need some time to think about what I said.”

 

Spencer swallowed audibly and bit his lower lip once again. A little bubble of hope had grown in his chest when Derek expressed his attraction to him… but then he’d remembered what had _come_ from that night, and that bubble popped. “No,” he said softly as he pulled his hands away from Derek’s. “You don’t want to be with me. I should have fought you off that night. I shouldn’t have given in to my desires, no matter _how_ drunk I was. If I had, then… then I wouldn’t be…”

 

“Wouldn’t be what?” Derek asked, trying not to be hurt by Spencer’s words. “What aren’t you telling me?”

 

Spencer sniffed loudly again, wishing that his nose would stop running. He lowered his gaze and mumbled out an incoherent response. When Derek didn’t move or say anything, Spencer cleared his throat and clearly said, “I’m pregnant.”

 

Derek froze, his hands convulsively gripping the arms of Spencer’s chair where he had put them after Spencer had pulled away.

 

Almost a full minute passed before Spencer chanced a glance back up at Derek, using his hair as a curtain between him and the other man. What he saw surprised him.

 

Derek was still kneeling there with a distant look on his face but Spencer saw no anger or disgust. Instead, a small smile was curving Derek’s lips and, as he brought himself back to reality, his happiness seemed only to grow.

 

“You’re serious?” he asked, echoing Spencer’s question from before.

 

When Spencer nodded hesitantly, Derek let out a laugh and lunged forward to bring Spencer into a hug.

 

Spencer stiffened slightly and didn’t really know what to do so he just sat there and allowed Derek to hug him (which, if he was honest with himself, felt nicer than he ever remembered a hug from Derek feeling before).

 

Derek pulled back a moment later with a serious look on his face. “Wait,” he began a little nervously, which was an emotion that Spencer couldn’t ever really remember seeing in Derek before. “Are you keeping it? I suppose I shouldn’t just assume that you are.”

 

“You want me to?” Spencer answered in a surprised voice, though after the hug, Spencer supposed that he _shouldn’t_ be surprised.

 

“Spencer, I want you to do whatever makes you happy,” Derek answered earnestly as he reached for and grabbed Spencer’s hands once again. “No matter what happens, I will support you. You’re very important to me and I decided a long time ago that I wanted you in my life in any way, shape, or form so whatever happens, you’re stuck with me, pretty boy.”

 

Spencer licked his lips and took a deep breath, hoping that Derek really meant what he said. “I was… yeah, I don’t… I don’t think I could terminate even if I wanted to. I mean, with my genes I probably _shouldn’t_ procreate… but… I couldn’t just get rid of something that was half you.”

 

Derek smiled but refrained from pulling Spencer into another hug until he asked, remembering that this was all new for Spencer and probably more than a little bit scary. “Can I hug you?”

 

Spencer looked surprised but then he relaxed and smiled back as he nodded his head.

 

Derek leaned forward and pulled Spencer into a gentle hug, rubbing his hand up and down Spencer’s spine and marveling at how _thin_ the genius seemed to be. ‘ _He really needs to eat more,’_ he thought to himself as he pulled back and planted a kiss to Spencer’s forehead.

 

Spencer blushed at all the affection but decided to press his luck by asking, “W-Would you m-mind um… staying? You know… for a little bit?”

 

Derek grinned widely and said, “Your wish is my command.” He then got to his feet and headed back over to the couch, sitting down in the same spot as he did before.

 

Spencer then licked his lips and took a deep breath before he rose from the recliner and slowly walked over to sit next to Derek. He then hesitantly leaned over to lay his head on Derek’s shoulder, wondering how far he could take this before Derek got angry and pushed him away.

 

When Derek reached his arm up to put it around Spencer’s shoulders, however, Spencer began to truly believe everything that Derek had told him. Maybe this man really _did_ care about him. Maybe, just maybe, Derek _could_ actually love him!

 

That thought gave him a head rush and made him feel happier and lighter than he had in a _very_ long time. He blew out a breath and completely relaxed into the warm body beside him, closing his eyes and subconsciously snuggling into Derek’s side. He vaguely registered Derek turning the TV back on and turning it down low so that the noise was really just a mumbling in the background of his mind, adding another soothing note to the already serene setting.

 

As Spencer marveled at the fact that he was actually cuddling with Derek Morgan (which was something that, a few hours ago, Spencer was sure would _never_ happen), he could feel himself relaxing even more. He knew that, as proper etiquette went, he should probably be up entertaining his guest, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. He wasn’t about to spoil this moment between them by moving and, less than a minute later, he felt himself drift off into an easy sleep.


	8. I Don't Have To, I Want To

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind comments and pieces of advice that everyone has given me in this and all my other stories. I very much appreciate them and I'll try not to let you down :) I hope you enjoy this chapter and I'll try to have the next one out as soon as possible!

Derek felt horrible. It really was all his fault that poor sweet Spencer had been put in the position that he was in. If Derek had just grown a pair and confessed his attraction to the genius, then the drunken tryst probably never would have happened and Spencer never would have felt the need to hide anything from Derek.

 

‘ _Why are you so_ stupid _?!’_ he asked himself as he let out a big sigh. Spencer was still leaning against his side, sleeping peacefully, so Derek used the arm that was around the lithe man to give him a gentle, loving squeeze. ‘ _If you’d been a_ real _man, we could have gone about this whole thing the_ right _way!’_ he berated himself as he reached his other hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. ‘ _But now, instead of going on dates and building up to sex, the man you love is pregnant with your child because of a stupid drunken one-night-stand! How could you have let this happen?!’_

 

He sighed again and brought his hand down from his face to switch the TV off, finding the noise more annoying than peaceful. In a way, he was glad that everything was now out in the open. Spencer hadn’t come right out and said that he liked Derek, but after everything he _had_ said, the fact that he’d asked Derek to stay, and that he was now snuggling up to Derek’s side told Derek everything he needed to know.

 

However, he couldn’t just assume that everything between them would be all honky dory either. This relationship was probably going to take a lot of work on both of their ends… but Derek, for one, was more than willing to put in the effort. The small genius had stolen his heart a long time ago, and Derek honestly never wanted him to give it back.

 

A fairly loud rumbling sound broke the silence and Derek shifted to look down at Spencer’s stomach. ‘ _Maybe he’s hungry,’_ he thought absently as he moved his free hand over to settle over the smaller man’s abdomen. ‘ _Lord knows he_ does _need to eat more… especially now that he’s pregnant.’_ Derek marveled over the small bump he could feel through Spencer’s shirt, wondering how he could have missed it when he’d hugged him earlier. After all, with Spencer being so skinny, any protrusion would be almost immediately noticeable.

 

Derek began to rub his hand around in circles, following the contours of the little round swell with a sense of awe. There was a _life_ growing inside of there… and it was a mixture of both him and Spencer. Derek was extremely grateful that Spencer wanted to keep the baby because, now that Derek knew about the pregnancy, he didn’t know if he’d be able to handle Spencer terminating. He would of course try to support Spencer with whatever he decided to do, but… well, he was just glad that Spencer wanted to keep the pregnancy so Derek didn’t have to worry about that.

 

Derek hadn't known before that Spencer was intersexed, but that knowledge didn’t affect the way he felt for the man. If anything, it only made him more in awe of the small genius. Really, was there anything that Spencer _couldn’t_ do?

 

Derek smiled happily as he continued to rub Spencer’s slightly swollen stomach. Even though the road to this point had definitely been rocky and less than ideal, Derek was glad that they were finally here. Before Spencer, Derek had never believed in love at first sight, but now, he knew that there could never be anyone _other_ than Spencer for him. He just hoped that Spencer felt the same and didn’t one day decide to just leave him by the wayside.

 

But Derek wasn’t going to worry about that right now. He was just going to enjoy his time around the smaller man and he was going to give Spencer whatever he wanted or needed to make the pregnancy as easy as possible. Then, when the baby came, Derek was going to be the best dad and, hopefully, boyfriend (maybe someday husband) that he could be.

 

With that thought came the realization, ‘ _Holy shit, I’m going to be a_ dad _!’_ He’d been excited when he found out that Spencer was pregnant, but it hadn’t really hit him until now that, when the pregnancy was over, there was going to be a baby. A beautiful, perfect little baby. Just that thought brought tears to his eyes.

 

But then he thought about how Spencer had described the pregnancy and a small grain of worry settled in the pit of his stomach. Yeah, he’d said that he wouldn’t terminate, but he also didn’t seem super excited about the whole thing. ‘ _Maybe it’s because he didn’t think I’d be supportive of him or the pregnancy?’_ Derek wondered as he again gently squeezed Spencer to his side. ‘ _Or maybe he just needs a little more time to get used to the whole thing? After all, I don’t think he’s had many relationships or has ever been put in a position like this before.’_

 

That’s when Derek came to another realization. He really didn’t know anything about Spencer’s relationship history. If Spencer hadn’t had any good past relationships (or any relationships at all, for that matter), then he obviously wouldn’t know what to expect from Derek in all of this even though they were best friends. Derek closed his eyes and took a deep steadying breath, vowing to ask Spencer about what he expected out of a relationship and then do whatever he could to make those expectations come to light.

 

Another loud rumble came from Spencer's stomach and interrupted Derek's thoughts. He smiled warmly and leaned over to plant a small kiss on the top of Spencer’s head. ‘ _I wonder when the last time he had a home cooked meal was,’_ Derek thought, an idea coming into his head. Slowly and as easily as he could manage, Derek slid out from his position on the couch and gently laid Spencer over so he was resting against the arm. Derek waited for a moment to see if Spencer would wake up and, when he didn’t, he quietly made his way into the kitchen, which was separated from the living room by a kitchen peninsula built into the wall.

 

Making as little noise as possible, Derek began searching through the cabinets and pantry for something to cook. He was hoping for something nutritious but filling so he could get started on putting a little weight on Spencer, but unfortunately, the smaller man didn’t seem to have much in the way of healthy food in his kitchen. Ten minutes later, though, he had his arms full of ingredients he thought he could work with and set about finding pots and pans so he could begin cooking.

 

* * *

 

 

Spencer blinked his eyes tiredly and gave a little involuntary shiver. He was cold! He reached behind him to grab a blanket and that’s when he realized that he was on the couch. Why had he fallen asleep on the couch? He ran through his memories, then his eyes widened when he remembered that he’d fallen asleep on Derek’s shoulder. But… where was Derek now? Spencer had asked him to stay a little. Had Derek waited until Spencer fell asleep and then left?

 

That thought brought tears to his eyes and his lower lip began to tremble as he felt a full-on sobbing fit begin to overtake him. But then he heard a small crash followed by a low curse come from the kitchen. Spencer sat up and looked over that way, his brows furled in confusion. Why in the _world_ would Derek be in the kitchen?

 

' _Well you’re not going to find out just sitting here on the couch,’_ he told himself, so he got up and silently walked up toward the doorway, warily peeking inside the room to see what was going on. What he saw put a shocked smile on his face.

 

There were a couple pots on the stove and a few dishes laid out on the counter. It seemed that Derek was apparently cooking something. However, at the moment, he was on his hands and knees and wiping something up off of the floor with a bunch of paper towels. He also seemed to be cursing up a storm under his breath which made Spencer giggle slightly.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked, causing Derek to jump. He hadn’t heard Spencer get up and come to the kitchen.

 

Derek looked up at Spencer quickly and, seeing only amusement on the skinny man’s face, Derek smiled. “I was cooking you some dinner but then I dropped a bowl when I was getting it out of the cabinet, which then caused a spoon to flip off of the stove and splatter spaghetti sauce all over the floor,” he explained in an exasperated voice.

 

Spencer laughed a little and then looked around the kitchen, quickly spotting the broken bowl on the counter. He walked over toward it and began to gather up the shards so he could then throw them away. “Why did you want to cook me dinner?” he asked when he was done, genuinely curious about Derek’s actions.

 

Derek blinked a few times and then stood up, easily tossing the pile of paper towels into the trash can across the room. “Your stomach kept rumbling while you were asleep so I thought you might be hungry,” he answered slowly, worried that he may have been too presumptuous and had done something to upset Spencer.

 

Spencer blushed and turned away so he was facing the counter next to the stove. He hung his head and mumbled, “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to feel… _obligated_ to do things for me or anything just because I’m pregnant… I mean, I appreciate the thought but… I just… I don’t want you to feel like you _have_ to do anything for me.”

 

Derek quickly came up behind Spencer and wrapped his arms around Spencer’s torso, causing Spencer to jump a little from the unexpected touch. Derek didn’t pull away, however, and only held him tighter until Spencer finally relaxed back into Derek’s chest. “Spencer, I don’t feel obligated to do things for you and I know I don’t have to… but I _want_ to. I _want_ to do things that make you happy, healthy, and comfortable. I _want_ to be there for you in all ways possible and, despite what you might think, it’s not just because you’re pregnant.”

 

Derek then took a deep breath and nuzzled his nose into Spencer’s hair. He knew that his next words might scare Spencer off, but he’d already decided that, after everything he’d put the poor genius through the last few months, Spencer deserved to know how Derek felt fully and truly. “I think I’ve loved you from the moment I first set eyes on you, pretty boy. You are the kindest, most selfless person I’ve ever met. Even with all you’ve gone through, your soul is still so beautiful and pure. Since I met you, I’ve never been able to imagine myself with anyone else. I should have told you a long time ago, but I guess I was just scared that I’d lose you as a friend, which is something I never want to happen.

 

“But then two months ago, I put you in an impossible situation that almost destroyed what we have together, so I would understand if you want or need to take things slow. What I’m saying is that, being with you in any capacity is a privilege for me, so no matter what happens, I would be honored if you would continue to see me as at least your friend.”

 

Silence followed Derek’s speech and, after a moment, Derek noticed that Spencer was shaking in his arms. He frowned in concern and tried to turn his head to look at Spencer’s face, but the young man had his head tilted down so his hair hid his face. “Spencer?” Derek asked hesitantly and then let Spencer out of the hug in order to gently turn him around to face Derek. “Hunny, are you ok?”

 

Spencer took in a shuttering breath, then lifted his head to stare into Derek’s eyes. Tears were streaming down Spencer’s face and his lower lip was trembling along with the rest of his body as he silently sobbed. He took a few deep breaths and licked his lips before stuttering out, “W-Why? Why m-me? I-I’m not anything sp-special! I’m b-broken and damaged. I d-don’t deserve your l-love and kindness.”

 

Derek grimaced at Spencer’s self-deprecating words but he didn’t look away. Instead, he patiently reached up to gently wipe the tears from Spencer’s cheeks and then brushed some of Spencer’s long hair back behind his ear so that it wasn’t hanging in his face. Then he took a deep breath and, in a warm voice, answered, “Spencer, you are the most amazing human being I have ever had the honor and privilege of knowing. I really wish you could see just how special you really are. And hunny, we’re _all_ broken and damaged, but if anyone deserves love and kindness, it would be you. You always think of everyone else and you leave yourself behind. But now, it’s time for you to get what you want and need, and I want to be the one to give it to you if I can. Because, baby, while you’ve been thinking of everyone else, I’ve been thinking of nothing but you.”

 

At that Spencer completely broke down into loud sobs and he threw himself into Derek’s arms, his own arms coming up to circle around Derek’s neck. “Just h-hold me,” he cried out as he buried his face into the crook of Derek’s neck and bawled.

 

Derek wrapped his arms around Spencer and pulled him into a tight embrace as he ran a soothing hand up and down Spencer’s spine. He turned his head slightly so he could place little kisses along the side of Spencer’s head, starting at his ear and ending at the top. Spencer’s hair smelled like citrus and lemons and Derek vaguely wondered what kind of shampoo he used.

 

After a few minutes, Spencer had calmed down enough to pull back slightly. His breath still hitched every now and then and his eyes were red and glistening, but Derek still thought he looked absolutely beautiful. His eyes flicked down to Spencer’s lips and then back up. He was pleased to see that Spencer mimicked the motion, glancing briefly at Derek’s lips before bringing his eyes back up to Derek’s face.

 

Spencer licked his lips nervously and began to slowly move forward as he rose up on his toes a little to compensate for the height difference.

 

Derek moved in just as slowly, not wanting to push Spencer into anything he wasn’t ready for yet but also not wanting to give the impression that he wasn’t interested. Because he was, in fact, _very_ interested in whatever Spencer wanted to offer.

 

Spencer’s breath started to come in little gasps as he moved ever forward, keeping his eyes glued to Derek’s to look for any signs that he should stop. Then their noses brushed together and Spencer closed his eyes at the sensation and the little tingle that ran down his spine at just that small touch. He took a deep breath and began to angle his head slightly to the side as he moved in once more.

 

Then, right before their lips connected, a kitchen timer went off, startling them both. Spencer pulled back with wide eyes, as if he couldn’t quite believe what they’d been about to do. But, seeing nothing but love and affection on Derek’s face and in his eyes, a small smile began to form on Spencer’s face. He slung his arms back around Derek’s neck and just stared at him as his smile grew wider.

 

“The food’s going to burn,” Derek said in a deep, soft voice that had gone slightly gravelly.

 

Spencer laughed breathily and shook his head in amusement. “Let it burn,” he answered and then closed the distance and locked their lips together in a wonderful world-stopping kiss.

 

Derek was delightfully surprised when he felt Spencer’s tongue brush against his lips, so he opened his mouth and, as Spencer’s tongue slid forward, so did Derek’s into Spencer’s mouth, causing their kiss to take on a more heated tone. As they each explored the other’s mouth, Derek took a chance and moved his hands down to grip Spencer’s tight, round ass.

 

Spencer gasped into the kiss and moved one of his hands up to grip the back of Derek’s head, pulling him toward Spencer even more so that their teeth ended up clacking together.

 

The kiss turned desperate, but when Derek heard and felt Spencer’s stomach rumble, he remembered that Spencer needed to eat, so he put his hands on Spencer’s shoulders and pushed back gently. Derek also figured that it was probably best if their passion didn’t go any further until Spencer could really _think_ about what he wanted and what should happen between them.

 

“Slow down, pretty boy,” Derek said softly as he raised a hand to card it through Spencer’s hair.

 

“I’m sorry,” Spencer gasped between panting breaths, a blush creeping into his cheeks as he averted his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

 

“Hey, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about,” Derek responded kindly as he cupped Spencer’s cheek in the palm of his hand and tenderly rested his forehead against Spencer’s so that the genius would almost _have_ to look at Derek. “You just need to eat right now and I’m a little hungry as well. Also, we have plenty of time to explore what there is between us, so there’s no rush. That’s all I meant, alright? You didn’t do _anything_ wrong.”

 

Spencer took a deep breath and nodded his head. Then he smiled again and said, “Yeah, you’re right… and I _am_ hungry.”

 

Derek pulled back enough to plant a small kiss on Spencer’s forehead and then fully stepped back. “Alright, go sit down and I’ll bring you a plate.”

 

Spencer’s eyes grew wide and he spluttered out, “N-No, I mean, you don’t have –”

 

“Hush,” Derek interrupted with an amused laugh. “I know I don’t have to, but I _want_ to. Now, go sit.” Then he turned Spencer around and gave his backside a playful smack, causing Spencer to jump and yelp in surprise.

 

Spencer’s cheeks went red once more but he had a smile on his face as he quickly walked over to sit on one of the elevated stools pushed into the kitchen peninsula. From there, he had a full view of Derek’s back as Derek filled two plates with spaghetti, meat sauce, and toasted garlic bread.

 

Spencer sighed happily and leaned back, placing one hand on his little swollen belly as he thought about everything Derek had said to him today. ‘ _This can’t be real,’_ he thought in disbelief, his mind filled with wonder at the love that Derek had shown and expressed to him. But, after a moment, Spencer decided that he didn’t care if all this was just a dream or something… because if it was, he was just going to enjoy it while it lasted… and pray that he would never wake up.


	9. You're Going to Cry A Lot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it's been almost two months since I've updated this story! I have honestly been working on this chapter for a while but just couldn't get it to come out until this evening. I know it's a little bit of a filler but I felt it was necessary and plus, who doesn't love a little hurt/comfort fluff? Anyway, I hope I haven't lost any of my readers because of my late update. I will honestly try to update more frequently in the future. I'm slowly starting to get my creative spark back so maybe writing won't be so hard from here on out :) Thanks for being patient with me and I hope this chapter was worth the wait! As always, I love positive comments and constructive criticism. I hope you enjoy this!

Much to Derek’s surprise, Spencer ended up eating two full plates of spaghetti before he finally leaned back in his seat with a small, contented sigh. Derek decided not to comment on the amount of food the skinny man had just consumed, though, because he _wanted_ Spencer to eat and he felt that saying something about it would only embarrass the young man and cause him to be ashamed for letting go like that. So, Derek just smiled and started to gather the dishes in order to place them in the kitchen sink.

 

Spencer followed close behind Derek, determined to help in some way since Derek had gone to the trouble of cooking when he didn’t need to. When Derek placed the dishes in the sink and then moved over to deal with the leftovers, Spencer saw his chance and headed to the sink to begin to wash what was in there.

 

Derek sighed, but realized that he should have realized that Spencer wouldn’t just let Derek do everything. “I was getting ready to do that, pretty boy,” he said softly as he found containers to store the leftovers.

 

“I know,” Spencer answered without looking over at Derek. Then he smirked and playfully added, “But you’ve already broken one of my bowls and I wasn’t sure I could trust you with the rest.”

 

Derek snapped his head over to look at Spencer incredulously, but upon seeing the smaller man’s amused smile, Derek just chuckled and shook his head. “Yes, because I’m obviously out to sabotage you by purposefully breaking all of your dishes.”

 

Spencer laughed outright and exclaimed, “I knew it!” He then turned and flung soap suds at Derek, who recoiled and yelled, “Hey!” Spencer giggled and turned back to the dishes, but squealed a moment later when Derek came out of nowhere and lifted him up off of his feet and into a bridal-style hold. Spencer’s eyes grew wide and he flung his soapy hands around Derek’s neck to hold on for dear life, but Derek just smiled wider and started spinning them around in circles in the small kitchen.

 

“Derek, stop it!” Spencer cried out fearfully, but a moment later he found himself laughing as the movement of being spun went to his head and made him feel giddy. A moment after that, however, he felt the spinning go to his stomach and he started to feel a little nauseous. “Oh, I think I’m gonna be sick!” he exclaimed and closed his eyes to try to make the sensation lessen.

 

Suddenly, Spencer found himself standing on his feet again, but he didn’t let go of his hold around Derek’s neck, afraid that the residual dizziness and spinning feeling still in his head would cause him to fall down. However, Derek’s hands moved to grip Spencer’s hips and were strong and steadying, telling the young genius that he wouldn’t let go at least until Spencer was a little less wobbly.

 

Less than half a minute later, Spencer was feeling much better, the dizziness and nausea having lessened to an almost nonexistent level, so he hazarded opening his eyes. Finding that the world was in fact not spinning around him, he let out a shaky breath and then laughed somewhat nervously. “That was kind of a head-rush,” he said, a small smile forming on his face.

 

When he looked up into Derek’s eyes, though, he was surprised to see a hint of concern there. Spencer crinkled his eyebrows together and cocked his head to the side, the smile sliding off of his face as a feeling of confusion filled him. “What’s wrong?”

 

“You’re ok? You don’t have to go throw up or anything?” Derek asked in a worried voice, one of his hands coming up to brush a strand of hair gently behind Spencer’s ear.

 

Spencer’s heart melted a little at that, not having expected those words. “No, I’m fine,” he assured softly, leaning in somewhat to nuzzle his nose against Derek’s cheek. “That was actually kind of fun. I guess I’m just a little more susceptible to getting sick right now, though.”

 

“I’m sorry, pretty boy,” Derek answered, sounding guilty but nuzzling Spencer back all the same.

 

“Don’t be! Please!” Spencer practically pleaded as he tightened his arms around Derek’s neck. “I love your impulsiveness. You make my life… well, _fun_!”

 

Derek smiled a little and Spencer could have sworn he saw Derek’s cheeks darken slightly in a tiny blush. “Really?” Derek asked almost shyly, but there was also a hint of amusement in his voice as well. “Even after everything I’ve put you through?”

 

Spencer’s eyebrows crinkled up slightly and an almost pained look crossed his face. “You haven’t put me through anything, Derek,” he said softly and hung his head to lay his forehead against Derek’s chest. “I’m just glad that you’re still here after I messed up so badly.”

 

“Hey, hey,” Derek admonished gently, bringing a hand up underneath Spencer’s chin to raise his head. “Listen, we _both_ messed up, ok? But, I already told you that I love you and I’m in it for the long haul. So, why don’t we try to just move on from here? Ok?”

 

Spencer could feel his lower lip start to tremble once more at Derek’s words, but, not wanting to burst into tears again, he took a deep breath and put a smile on his face as he nodded his assent.

 

Derek then pulled Spencer into a warm embrace and just held him, giving the smaller man a chance to calm down. When he felt Spencer’s breathing return to normal, Derek moved his hands to Spencer’s hips and they pulled apart to where they were before, inches from each other with Spencer’s hands still on the back of Derek’s neck.

 

Suddenly, Derek chuckled, remembering what Spencer had been doing _before_ he’d put his hands around Derek’s neck. “So are you going to wash the rest of me too?” he asked playfully, full out laughing when Spencer scrunched his eyebrows together and cocked his head to the side in confusion. “Well, you’ve already got soap all over the back of my neck,” he explained with an amused smirk.

 

Spencer seemed to think about this for a moment, but then his eyes widened and he jerked his hands back and held them up like he was surrendering. He tried to back up, but Derek kept his hold on Spencer’s hips so that the smaller man couldn’t move. “I-I’m so sorry, Derek!” Spencer spluttered out, his cheeks turning a deep red in embarrassment.

 

“Hey, now, it’s ok,” Derek said gently, pulling Spencer a little closer to him, but Spencer still held his hands up and he refused to meet Derek’s eyes. “Oh, come on now, baby boy, I’m not upset. I actually find it kinda funny.”

 

Spencer chanced a glance up at Derek’s face and, seeing only humor and love there, he allowed himself a little breathy laugh and a small smile. “Sorry about that,” he said in a soft voice and Derek wasn’t sure if he was apologizing again for getting soap on him or if he was apologizing for freaking out because of it. “I’ll just get you a towel.”

 

Derek released his hold on the small man and Spencer walked over to one of the kitchen drawers and pulled out a hand towel. He dried his own hands and then turned around in order to hand the towel to Derek when a knock sounded from the front door.

 

Spencer froze and blinked his eyes in confusion. He wasn’t expecting anyone… but then again, Derek had come over and Spencer certainly wasn’t expecting _him_ either. So he shrugged his shoulders, handed Derek the towel he was holding, and headed out of the kitchen toward the front door.

 

He was once again surprised when he opened the door to see JJ standing there with a warm smile on her face. “Hey Spence,” she greeted as her eyes made a quick scan over him, presumably to see if he was still as upset as when she left him a few hours before. “Can I come in?”

 

“Y-Yes, of course,” Spencer replied as he moved away from the door and allowed her entry. That’s when he noticed that she was carrying a couple of shopping bags. “What did you bring?” he asked curiously but also slightly cautious as he followed her into the living room.

 

“Well you weren’t feeling good, so I brought you some things to hopefully make you feel better,” JJ explained warmly as she set her purse and the bags on the couch and began pulling things out, commenting on each item as she unpacked it. “I got some more saltines. I know they always made me feel better whenever I was nauseous. Ginger ale as well. Tissues with the lotion in them because, I hate to say it but, you’re probably going to be crying a lot. I know _I_ did! Oh, and of course pork rinds because there’s no reason you can’t have your favorite snack food. But, I don’t want that to be the _only_ thing you eat because you need to stay healthy! Although I don’t know how healthy you are now. You are _way_ too skinny! But that’s beside the point. I brought you some pregnancy staples like pickles and cottage cheese, but I also brought carrots, lettuce, tomatoes, green bell peppers, and some other vegetables and I expect you to eat them, Spencer Reid! I know you don’t especially like vegetables, Spence, but you’re not just eating for you anymore.”

 

“You tell him, JJ,” a voice came from the kitchen and JJ whipped around to find Derek leaning against the doorframe, an amused smirk on his face. “If there’s anyone in the world he’ll listen to, it’s probably you.”

 

“Hey, I listen to people!” Spencer exclaimed indignantly, the offended look on his face contradicted by the amused smile struggling to break through.

 

“Yeah and then you go around and do whatever you want,” Derek replied, his smirk turning into a full grin as he let out a warm chuckle.

 

JJ looked between the two men, her eyes wide and her mouth open in surprise. She then blinked and cleared her throat. “I’m uh… I’m confused,” she said quietly, a small blush beginning to form in her cheeks as she thought over what she had been telling Spencer, starting to worry that she’d given away more than Spencer was comfortable with.

 

Spencer smiled and touched JJ’s arm, bringing her attention fully back to him. “It’s ok, JJ,” he said softly, his eyes showing his sincerity. “He knows.”

 

“Oh,” JJ responded, struggling through her lingering surprise to find something else to say in the silence. She then cleared her throat again and put a small smile on her face. “You know, when I told you to tell him, I didn’t mean you had to _today_.”

 

Spencer laughed nervously and chewed on his bottom lip a little before answering. “Derek he… well, he kind of just barged in here and demanded I tell him what was going on so I really didn’t have a choice.”

 

JJ snorted and looked over at Derek who was smiling widely, looking completely unashamed of his actions. “Well, I’m glad,” she said, her own smile growing to match Derek’s. “Good for you, Morgan.”

 

“Hey!” Spencer exclaimed, again looking offended. “I thought you were supposed to be on _my_ side!”

 

JJ turned back to Spencer and reached out to cup his cheek in her hand. “I am, Spence,” she said warmly and then patted his cheek before pulling her hand back. “You have to admit that it’s better for the both of you now that it’s all come out. I mean, you already look a hundred times happier and more relaxed! Plus, if Morgan hadn’t gotten it out of you, you might not have told him and then I would have been _forced_ to tell him and I just don’t think that would have gone over very well.”

 

Spencer sighed and hung his head a little, his hair falling in his face to hide the blush that had started to form. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he said softly as he moved his arms to hug around himself.

 

Suddenly, he felt someone bring him into a strong embrace. He flinched and stiffened his body for a moment, but then relaxed forward into the warm body that was Derek Morgan.

 

“It’s alright, baby boy,” Derek said in a soothing voice as he rubbed his hand up and down Spencer’s back. “You were afraid. I understand and it’s ok.”

 

Spencer sniffed as he felt tears spring to his eyes. ‘ _Thank god for JJ and her foresight to bring tissues,’_ he thought as he let out a watery chuckle. “I still can’t believe you’re not mad at me,” he whispered as he nuzzled his face into the crook of Derek’s neck.

 

“I don’t think I _could_ be mad at you over something like this, Spencer,” Derek answered honestly, laying his cheek on the top of Spencer’s head. “Like I said earlier, we both made mistakes which means I couldn’t be mad at you without being mad at myself. Besides, I can’t really complain since it got me here with you in my arms.”

 

Spencer sniffed loudly again and moved his hands up to cling to the front of Derek’s T-shirt. “I honestly thought that… that you w-would think… th-that I took advantage o-of you,” he whispered into Derek’s neck, trying to move even closer into the strong man’s embrace.

 

“Shhh, its ok,” Derek soothed, tightening his arms around the thin body as much as he dared. “I don’t think that at all. If anything, I blame myself for not coming forward with my feelings before all of this happened.”

 

“I just… I was so afraid I’d _lose_ you!” Spencer sobbed out, giving up his fight against the impending tears and just letting them come. “I can’t lose you!”

 

“You won’t lose me,” Derek assured him, kissing the top of his head before burying his nose in the long, chestnut brown locks. “Whether you like it or not, I’m here to stay, baby boy.”

 

Spencer laughed a little at that but continued to sob against Derek’s neck.

 

Derek just stood there and comforted Spencer as much as he could until the sobs faded away to sniffs and hiccups. Then, he slowly pulled away from the small man and lifted his hands to wipe Spencer’s tears away with his thumbs. “At least JJ brought you tissues, right?” Derek said with a smile, hoping to lighten Spencer’s mood a little.

 

It seemed to work because Spencer laughed and nodded his head. He then turned to look at the couch where he’d last seen the groceries that JJ brought and was surprised to see it clean of everything except for the blonde woman’s purse and one open box of tissues, sitting there ready to use.

 

He looked back toward Derek who smiled and said, “She gathered everything up and took it to the kitchen to give us some privacy.”

 

Spencer blinked a few times as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he hadn’t noticed JJ doing any of that. Then he blushed as he immediately felt bad for ignoring her so he grabbed a tissue and quickly headed toward the kitchen, blowing his nose on the way. He caught her drying and putting away the last of the dinner dishes that Spencer hadn’t finished washing and he felt even worse.

 

“I-I’m sorry for ignoring you, JJ,” he hurried to explain, again finding himself surprised when JJ turned toward him with a warm smile on her face. “You-You didn’t have to do all of this.”

 

“It’s alright, Spence,” she responded as she walked up to him and pulled him in for a brief hug. “Believe me, I completely understand. And it’s always my pleasure to be able to help out as much as I can.”

 

Spencer felt tears again burning the backs of his eyes so he turned away and furiously rubbed at them to relieve the sensation. “Thanks,” he whispered, his broken voice revealing the extent of his emotions.

 

JJ just smiled and leaned over to plant a kiss on Spencer’s cheek, causing him to blush a deeper shade of crimson. “Well, it’s getting late. I should probably head out,” she said and walked out of the kitchen to grab her purse. As she was digging in the bag to find her keys, she stopped suddenly and looked toward Spencer, who had followed her into the living room. “Oh, before I go, did you make a doctor’s appointment like I told you to?”

 

Spencer smiled and nodded his head, glad of the distraction away from the issues that were making him so emotional. “Yeah by some miracle I got one for tomorrow morning,” he answered, his voice slightly hoarse from all the crying he’d done. “It’s early enough that I shouldn’t even be late for work.”

 

“You have an appointment tomorrow?” Derek asked curiously from over by the television where he’d been perusing Spencer’s movie collection. “With an obstetrician?”

 

“Y-Yeah,” Spencer stuttered, his blush returning as he suddenly found his shoes immensely interesting.

 

“Can I… Can I come?” Derek asked nervously, unsure as to whether or not Spencer would want him there.

 

Spencer’s head whipped up so fast that it was a surprise he hadn’t given himself whiplash and his eyes were so wide with shock that it was almost comical. “Y-You want to come with me?” he spluttered out, completely amazed at Derek’s request. “Really?”

 

Derek couldn’t help but laugh, but under that laughter was an almost crushing sadness. Even after everything he’d told Spencer, the poor boy was still so insecure about nearly everything. Derek just hoped that maybe eventually he could break Spencer out of some of those self-esteem issues and self-depreciating thoughts. “Yeah, pretty boy, I’d _love_ to come,” he answered enthusiastically, hoping that the extra emphasis would convince him of his sincerity.

 

Spencer smiled widely and he looked happier than either Derek or JJ had seen him in a long time. “Y-You can come. Yeah! I mean… I’d… Yeah!” he stuttered out in an excited voice that Derek wished he could hear all of the time.

 

JJ laughed musically and put her hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “On that note, I’m gonna get out of here,” she said and leaned over to place one more kiss on Spencer’s cheek. “Make sure you let me know how the appointment went when you come into work tomorrow!”

 

“Yes mom,” Spencer answered in an amused voice as he walked JJ to the door.

 

JJ just smiled and said, “I’ll see you all tomorrow.” Then she walked out the door and Spencer closed and locked it after her.

 

Hands suddenly appeared around his waist and he let out a surprised squeak. Warm, rich laughter sounded from behind his head and he sighed, relaxing back into the chiseled chest that was pressing in against his spine.

 

“I guess I’d better go soon, too,” Derek reluctantly said as he once again nuzzled his nose into Spencer’s hair, the position quickly becoming one of his favorites.

 

Spencer was silent for a moment as he gathered his courage, reminding himself that Derek hadn’t once been condescending or angry with him the entire evening. ‘ _Or really_ any _time,’_ he thought to himself as he took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “You know, um… y-you don’t… well, you don’t _have_ to leave.”

 

Derek tightened his arms around Spencer’s waist, careful not to squeeze too hard as he flattened his hands on the little rounded bump present there. “Are you asking me to stay the night?” he asked with a smirk, half of him being a little flirty and the other half just seeking clarification from the shy man.

 

“Y-Yeah, I think I am,” Spencer answered a little breathlessly, marveling at the thrill that ran through his body at Derek being so close to him. Then he froze at the implication that the invitation could present. “I-I mean, I don’t think I want to… well, it’s not that I don’t _want_ to, but… what I mean is –”

 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,” Derek interrupted gently and then kissed the side of Spencer’s head. “I know what you meant. Just cuddling tonight is fine with me.”

 

Spencer blew out a relieved breath and relaxed once more. “Are you sure?” he asked in a tired voice, suddenly finding himself exhausted.

 

“Of course I am, baby,” Derek assured him and gave him another kiss and a small squeeze. “Now, I need to head down to my truck to get my go-bag, but I’ll be right back up, I promise. Why don’t you go ahead and get ready for bed and lay down?”

 

Spencer just nodded his head and slowly moved out of Derek’s arms to head to the bathroom. He quickly brushed his teeth and used the facilities, then went in the direction of his bedroom. He decided not to change his clothes, since his lounge clothes were basically what he wore as pajamas anyway, and just pulled back the covers on his bed and laid down on his side with a sigh, almost immediately falling into a light doze.

 

It seemed like only a moment later that Spencer felt the bed dip behind him and strong arms wrap around his abdomen, bringing him into a spooning position. Spencer let out another contented sigh as he relaxed into the comforting heat enveloping him and he fell into a deep sleep, a small smile gracing his almost angelic face.


	10. Anomaly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Sorry it's been like forever since I've updated anything or responded to any comments or really anything lol. My job and school work took 99.9% of my time these past few months, but both my job and my school work thankfully ends soon so hopefully I'll again have time to post fairly regularly. As I've said before, I will never abandon any of my stories but it may take me just a little while to finish them :) Anyway, I hope I still have the interest of some readers and that you all enjoy this!
> 
> Oh, before I forget, I got a rather rude comment about one of my word uses, so I'm going to be adding this warning to all of my stories so people are aware of why I made the word choice that I did:
> 
> CAUTION: (Note the sarcasm...) I may or may not use the non-words "Hun" or "Hunny" in my stories. This, however, is not because I don't know how to spell the word. I've chosen this spelling to differentiate between the food "honey" and the term of endearment "Hunny." My reasons for this spelling are simple:  
> 1\. When I look at the word "Hon" (short for "Honey"), my mind automatically pronounces it as "Hahn." I, however, want it pronounced as "Huhn" and so I spell it "Hun." "Hun" doesn't look right as short for "Honey," so I spell it "Hunny."  
> 2\. It's a term of endearment and/or nickname and so doesn't have to be spelled "correctly." Other examples of non-words that people use as terms of endearment that are not found in the dictionary are "Boo" (unless of course you mean as the word with the definition of 'the sound a ghost makes') and "Bae" (which I never understood but wasn't rude enough to call anyone out on it). Therefore, my word "Hunny" should be acceptable. I'm also not the only one who uses this word (although some may spell it as "Hunnie"). If you would like a specific example of someone else who uses this word, let me know and I'll provide some. Otherwise, I'm not going to clog up my A/N any further. Thank you for your patience and understanding. If you still can't get past my word usage, please move on to another author or story because I don't envision myself not using this word any time soon. Thanks again! :D

Derek was woken up the next morning by the sound of someone heaving their guts up in the bathroom.  He almost immediately remembered where he was and rushed to get up off the bed and run into said bathroom, kneeling down next to the small, trembling frame positioned over the toilet bowl.  Derek's heart broke to see Spencer in such a position, but he quickly reminded himself that this probably wouldn't be the last time he caught him throwing up.  With one hand, he rubbed soothing circles over Spencer's back and with the other hand, he gathered up the younger man's long hair and held it back out of his face.

 

One of Spencer's hands was braced against the toilet seat, trying to hold himself up, and the other one was wrapped tightly around his middle, trying to soothe the nausea that was coursing through him.  After a few more heaves that brought up almost nothing, Spencer forced himself to take some deep breaths.  He opened his eyes and looked to the side to see Derek there staring at him with concern.  "I'm fine," he croaked out, grimacing at not only the sound of his own voice but the taste in his mouth.  "It's just morning sickness."

 

"I know, baby, but that doesn't mean I have to like it," Derek answered with a small smirk on his face.

 

Spencer smiled back and reached up to flush the toilet.  Then, with Derek's help, he got to his feet and leaned over the sink tiredly.

 

"Why don't you brush your teeth and I'll make some breakfast?" Derek suggested as he rubbed Spencer's back again in a comforting fashion.

 

"You don't have to do that, Derek," Spencer mumbled but then blushed when his stomach growled audibly in response to the mention of food.

 

Derek chuckled and, putting his arm around Spencer's shoulders to give him a one-armed hug, he leaned over to kiss Spencer on the temple.  "I know I don't have to, Spencer.  I want to.  Besides, who am I do deny you and our little one when you two are so obviously hungry?"

 

Spencer blushed again at Derek's words.  Anything that brought attention to himself ended up embarrassing him, but he quickly reminded himself that Derek was acting out of love and not to humiliate him.  Plus, he was eating for two now so it was about time for him to push aside his insecurities so he could take care of himself and his baby adequately.

 

Derek didn't comment on Spencer's blush.  He just leaned over, kissed the side of Spencer's head once again, and then left the bathroom, giving the younger man some privacy to clean himself up and gather his emotions.

 

Spencer quickly took a few more deep, calming breaths before reaching for his toothbrush.  While he completed the act of riding his mouth of the taste of vomit, he concluded that maybe he could convince Derek to let him help with breakfast so that Spencer didn’t feel so guilty about the older man blatantly taking care of him.

 

As soon as he was finished in the bathroom, Spencer rushed out in the direction of the kitchen, determination set on his face.  He _wouldn’t_ just let Derek take care of him, or his name wasn’t Spencer Edmond Reid!  Half-way to the kitchen, though, Spencer caught his foot on an end-table in the living room and pitched forward with a small yelp.

 

Derek, having heard the sound, immediately dropped what he was doing and rushed toward the living room.  He panicked when he saw Spencer laying on his side on the floor, struggling to pick himself back up.  "Are you ok?" he asked with urgency as he knelt down in front of Spencer, putting his hands on the small man's shoulders and helping him up into a sitting position.  "What the Hell happened?"

 

Spencer blinked a few times in confusion, as if he couldn't quite figure out how he'd ended up on the floor.  "I'm ok.  I landed on my side, not on my stomach.  I'm ok," he answered somewhat breathlessly, but then blushed profusely before he looked away and mumbled, "I thought you might want some help with breakfast so I was heading that way and I uh... I guess I tripped."

 

Derek sighed and helped Spencer get to his feet.  "Spencer, hunny, I offered to make breakfast.  You shouldn’t be worrying over something I offered to do.  You need to just be concentrating on yourself and making sure that you don't hurt or stress yourself out. "

 

Spencer crossed his arms and huffed in a frustrated manner.  "I'm not an invalid, Derek," he snapped and walked over to the recliner and sat down.  He soon deflated, though and looked somewhat despondent.  "I just... I wanted help and since it _is_ my apartment, I thought I might be able to do _something_ on my own without messing up, but I guess I'm just incompetent."

 

"Hey, hey, don't ever say that about yourself," Derek said gently as he came over and kneeled down in front of where Spencer was sitting.  "You are one of the most competent, able people that I know.  And I know you're not an invalid but you're also not taking care of just yourself any more, Spencer."  Slowly, Derek reached forward and gently placed his palm on Spencer's tiny belly, cupping it in a loving manner that made Spencer blush and smile slightly.  "You've got our little one to think about as well."

 

Spencer sighed lightly and relaxed back into the chair.  "Yeah, I guess you're right," he said slowly and looked back down at Derek's hand on his stomach.  "I guess I just hate feeling so... I don't know... useless?  I mean, I know I'm not," he added quickly before Derek could argue with him.  "But I've just got so many emotions running around inside of me at the moment that I'm not sure how I feel!"

 

"I think that's normal, baby boy," Derek said gently, moving his hand up to cup Spencer's cheek.

 

Spencer sighed and closed his eyes, moving his face in toward Derek's touch.  "I know it is," he whispered as he brought his own hand up to cover the back of Derek's hand.  "But that doesn't mean I have to like it," he added indignantly, echoing Derek’s words from earlier.

 

Derek chuckled slightly and reached his other hand up to run his fingers through Spencer's hair.  "Come on baby.  I was gonna fry some eggs.  You can come make the coffee.  But you gotta make it decaf!”

 

Spencer huffed and crossed his arms over his chest once more, his lower lip coming out to form into a pout.  “Half-caf,” he argued, sending a glare toward Derek, who was still kneeling in front of him.

 

Derek laughed and shook his head in an endearing manner.  He should have expected the fight from the young genius.  “Alright, alright, you can have half-caf… for now!  But you should still try to cut back a little.”

 

Spencer sighed again but nodded, watching Derek get to his feet and then accepting the help that Derek offered to get to his own feet.  Derek then brought Spencer into a small hug and kissed the top of his head, taking in a whiff of the beloved scent of his hair.  After a moment, Derek released Spencer from the hug, took one of his hands in his own, and led him into the kitchen.

 

"What time is your appointment?” Derek asked as he let go of Spencer’s hand and walked over to a cabinet to pull out a frying pan.

 

"It's at 7:30.  I figured I should get things done early if I still wanted to get to work at 9," Spencer answered, making his way over to the coffee maker and pulling the grounds out from behind it.

 

"Yeah, that makes sense," Derek mumbled as he cracked the eggs he’d already pulled out of the refrigerator before Spencer had fallen in the living room.  “I suppose we should leave in about an hour,” he said as he glanced at the clock over the stove, seeing that it was only 5:30am.  “Will that give us enough time to get there?  I'm not quite sure where your OB/GYN is located, so... yeah..."

 

"Um, yeah, that should be enough time," Spencer answered as he pressed a button on the machine and the coffee started to percolate.  He watched as Derek just nodded a response and continued to concentrate on cooking the eggs.  Unsure of what else to do, Spencer headed over to another part of the kitchen and pulled out two plates, two mugs, and some silverware.  He then walked over to the refrigerator and gathered a loaf of sliced bread, heading over to the toaster in order to pop it in.

 

Ten minutes later and each man found himself sitting at the kitchen peninsula with a plate containing two fried eggs and two pieces of toast each, along with mugs of coffee on the side.  They were fairly silent as they ate, both trying to wake up enough to be able to face the rest of the day.

 

As soon as they were finished, Derek grabbed both of their dirty dishes and headed into the kitchen to dump them into the sink.

 

Spencer followed him hesitantly and ended up standing in the doorway, shifting from foot to foot and biting his lower lip.  “Do you need any help cleaning up?” Spencer asked, knowing that Derek wanted to do things for him but, at the same time, Spencer didn’t want to just assume that Derek would do _everything_.

 

"I'll be fine," Derek assured him with a small smile as he turned around to face Spencer.  “Why don’t you go ahead and get ready to go and then I’ll take my turn in the bathroom when you’re done?”

 

“Are you sure?” Spencer questioned, still feeling uncomfortable just leaving Derek to clean up in Spencer’s own apartment.

 

"Quit worrying about me and get your skinny butt ready to go!" Derek insisted, making ‘shooing’ motions with his hands.

 

Spencer put a mock-offended look on his face but then broke out into a smile and chuckled a moment later.  "I’ll be finished soon," he insisted and then turned around and walked down the hall and into the bathroom.

 

As soon as Spencer shut the door behind him, however, the smile fell off of his face and he felt sadness threaten to overcome him.  _'I'm not going to have a skinny butt for much longer, Derek,'_ he thought despairingly.  _'I hope you'll still love me when I start to swell up like a balloon.'_   He felt his breath hitch and a single tear ran down his face, but he quickly scrubbed it away and then hastily made his way over to the shower and turned it on, determined not to worry about things that he couldn't change.

 

* * *

 

 

Two hours later found Spencer sitting on the exam table at the OB/GYNs office, flinching every time he moved and the paper under him made a loud, crumpling sound.  The nurse had already been in to take blood and urine samples and to do a general once-over and now he and Derek were just waiting on the doctor to arrive with the test results.

 

Spencer was beyond nervous, and it showed with his almost continuous movements, making the crack and crinkle of the paper sheet the only sound in the otherwise quiet room.  _'What if she comes in and tells me I'm not really pregnant?'_ Spencer worriedly thought as he bit his bottom lip and shifted yet again.  ' _What if I've gotten Derek's hopes up for nothing?  What if I really_ do _have cancer and_ that's _why the pregnancy tests were positive?  That would certainly be an awkward conversation for everyone involved... What if –'_

 

"Spencer, hunny, calm down," Derek said in a soothing voice, breaking the room's relative silence and interrupting Spencer's spiraling thoughts.  "Everything is going to be ok."

 

Spencer closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm down as Derek had suggested, but he just couldn't seem to stop his mind from wandering into places best left unexplored.  He took a few more breaths, opened his eyes to look at Derek, and was about to answer the man when a loud knock came on the door followed swiftly by the door opening without either of the room's occupants answering the knock.

 

Spencer jumped at the sudden noise and movement, bringing his knees up to his chest in a protective manner.  He immediately scolded himself and his face reddened in embarrassment when he saw a young woman in a white lab coat with a stethoscope around her neck walk into the room.  Spencer just thanked the heavens that he was allowed to remain in his own clothes and wasn't forced to put on a gown or else his movement would have resulted in him exposing himself more than he was generally comfortable with.

 

If the doctor noticed his frightened actions, she didn't comment on them.  She just smiled warmly as Spencer uncurled himself and then said, "Good morning!  I'm Doctor Amelia Weiss.  I'm interning here and I'll be taking over for your normal OB, Dr. Martin."

 

Spencer furled his eye brows in confusion as the strange woman started walking toward him with her hand outstretched.  "Where's Dr. Martin?" he asked, leaning away from her and just raising his hand in a little wave as his introduction.

 

Dr. Weiss' smile never wavered as she dropped her hand back down to her side.  "Dr. Martin had a family emergency and transferred all of her appointments over to me today.  If you're uncomfortable with me, we can always reschedule your appointment for another day."

 

Spencer slowly shook his head.  Even if he wasn't completely comfortable with this new woman, he needed definitive results from his tests today, especially since Derek had gone to the trouble of coming with him.  "No, that won't be necessary," Spencer mumbled and then, as if just remembering his manners, added, "Oh, I'm Dr. Spencer Reid."  He then gestured over to Derek, who was in a chair by the wall.  "And this is... well he's my..."  Spencer again went red when he realized that he didn't know how to introduce Derek.  What were they now?

 

Luckily, Derek saw Spencer's struggles and threw him a line.  "I'm his boyfriend, Derek Morgan," he introduced himself, holding his hand out to shake Dr. Weiss' hand.

 

Spencer smiled in surprised delight at Derek's words.  Yes, the man had already professed his love to him, but it was just the icing on top of the cake for Derek to call himself Spencer's boyfriend!

 

"It's nice to meet both of you," Dr. Weiss said, interrupting Spencer's thoughts.  She then pulled a piece of paper out of her lab coat pocket and said, "Now, I have your test results, Dr. Reid, if you'd like to hear them."

 

Spencer nervously nodded his head and brought his hands together to play with the hem of his shirt, not having the confidence to look the doctor in the face as she read out his fate.

 

"Ok, well according to both the blood and urine samples we took from you today, our lab has determined that you are right around 8 weeks pregnant," she said in a happy voice and with a wide smile.  "Congratulations!"

 

Spencer let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and closed his eyes for a moment.  It was now official... and he still wasn't quite sure how he felt about everything.  It was all just moving so fast that Spencer felt like he couldn't catch up quick enough to process things.  However, when he opened his eyes and saw Derek staring at him, an ecstatic grin on his face and love in his eyes, all negative thoughts left Spencer's brain and all he could think of was how much he cared for the dark-skinned man and how he so wanted everything to work out in their favor.

 

"Would you like to go ahead and do your first ultrasound?" Dr. Weiss asked, again interrupting Spencer's thoughts.

 

He again nodded to her, afraid of how his voice would sound if he attempted to speak at the moment.  Dr. Weiss then instructed him to lay back on the exam table, lift up his shirt, and unbutton his pants.  Spencer blushed furiously at the request but complied anyway, grateful when Derek got out of his chair and moved up beside Spencer and grabbed his hand.

 

Dr. Weiss, meanwhile, moved to the other side of the table and turned on the ultrasound machine.  "Alright, I'm going to squirt some gel onto your belly and then use the wand to try to find a good picture of the fetus.  Sound good?"

 

Both Spencer and Derek nodded their understanding and Spencer winced slightly as the cold gel hit his skin, causing him to shiver.  Moments later, however, he found himself mesmerized by the pictures showing up on the screen and he gasped when he saw something he recognized from looking at JJ's sonogram pictures when she was pregnant.

 

Oh god, that was his _baby_!  There was a tiny baby inside of him... and right now, he was looking at it!  Spencer felt tears start to stream down his face and he gripped Derek's hand harder as he rode out the emotional storm that was surging through him.  He felt happiness and joy flood his system as he stared at the tiny blob on the screen.  It really didn't have much definition to it and, if he didn't know what he was looking for, Spencer could have very well missed it.  Facts and figures started running through his head about where the baby was on development terms and he was only brought back down to Earth by the doctor's soft voice.

 

"Alright," Dr. Weiss said as she kept the wand steady with one hand and pointed to the screen with her other hand.  "Here is the head... and here is the... oh!"  Her eyebrows suddenly crinkled in confusion as she continued to stare at the screen as if trying to figure out exactly what she was seeing.

 

"Oh?" Derek repeated her utterance with some sense of urgency and Spencer's feelings of joy suddenly turned to worry as he realized that something could be wrong with the little miracle that was inside of him.  "Oh what?  Is something wrong?"

 

Dr. Weiss suddenly smiled again and pressed a few buttons on the machine so it would print out the image currently showing.  "I'm sure it's nothing," she said quickly as she drew the wand away and then handed Spencer a tissue so he could clean the gel from his stomach.  "There's a slight anomaly showing up on the baby's body which could indicate a deformity of some sort but it's too early to tell for sure.  Try not to worry.  It was probably just a blip on the screen or something.  There's most likely nothing wrong except for a machine malfunction.  However, I will have Dr. Martin take a second look at the sonogram and the blood and urine test results just in case and then she'll call you on the rare chance that something _is_ wrong.  Do you two have any questions?"

 

Both Derek and Spencer were a little shell-shocked at Dr. Weiss' rushed explanation.  They just found out their baby could be deformed in some way, but they weren't to worry because there was most likely nothing wrong?  What _wasn't_ there to question in that statement?

 

Spencer gathered his emotions first and proceeded to clean himself up, re-button his pants and pull down his shirt.  He then sat fully up on the table, grabbed the copies of the sonogram that Dr. Weiss was holding out to him, and answered, somewhat coldly, "No, if we have any questions we'll call Dr. Martin.  Thank you for seeing me."

 

"Ok then, barring anything arising between now and then, you'll need to make another appointment for 8 weeks from now, which you can do when you check out at the front desk.  I have here a copy of your test results as well as a list of things you can do to make sure your pregnancy is as healthy and fulfilling as possible," Dr. Weiss said with a smile, handing Spencer a few sheets of paper which she again pulled out of her lab coat pocket.  She then turned around and left the room without another word, leaving the door open behind her.

 

Spencer sighed and reached up the pinch the bridge of his nose.  He really wished Dr. Martin had been the one to see him today.  She was _much_ more experienced and had a much better bedside manner.  He suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder which made him jump slightly.  He brought his hand down and looked over toward Derek, who was still silently standing beside him but who was now staring at him with a soft smile on his face.

 

"Are you ok, baby boy?" Derek asked in a voice barely above a whisper as he moved the hand that was on Spencer shoulder down to rub soothingly up and down Spencer's spine.

 

Spencer took a deep, calming breath and then set a smile on his face.  "Yeah, I'm fine," he answered just as quietly.  "I'm um... well, I'm a little scared... but I'd be more scared if Dr. Martin had told me there might be something wrong with our baby.  I don't think I have much confidence in _Doctor_ Weiss," he said, his voice turning sarcastic when he said the intern's name.

 

Derek let out a soft chuckle and then turned to give Spencer a side-ways hug.  "I'll take your word for it since I've never met Dr. Martin," he replied and then kissed the side of Spencer's head.  "I suppose we should get out of here so we can make it to work on time."

 

Spencer sighed, not wanting to relinquish the hold that Derek had on him.  "I suppose you're right," he mumbled but made no move to get up.  They stayed like that a moment more before a thought popped into Spencer's head.  "Should we... well... should we tell the team?  I mean, the team other than JJ..."

 

Derek squeezed Spencer's shoulders a little tighter and laid his cheek on top of Spencer's head.  "What do you think of waiting until we hear what Dr. Martin thinks about the sonogram?" he asked in a hesitant voice, not wanting Spencer to think that Derek wanted to hide the pregnancy because he was ashamed or anything.

 

Spencer nodded slightly and responded with, "That's probably a good idea... although I will have to tell JJ since she pretty much insisted on knowing how my appointment went."

 

Derek chuckled once more and leaned over to plant a soft kiss on Spencer's lips before he let him go.  "Alright, that sounds like a plan," he said as he helped Spencer climb down off of the exam table and handed him his jacket and messenger bag.  "Come on, kid, let's get to the office."

 

The two men then walked hand-in-hand out of the room, to the front desk to make Spencer a 16-week appointment, and finally out to Derek's SUV, staying silent practically the whole time.  That silence lasted for the ride to the FBI building as well as both men mentally prepared themselves to hide as much as they could from their four remaining team members.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Note: For those who worry, the baby is not deformed! There is absolutely nothing wrong and it'll be explained sometime in the next few chapters :) If anyone wants to take a guess as to what's going on, feel free and I'll let you know if you're right!


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